Tag for Shinji
by ArmorBlade
Summary: Even makes wimps like Shinji de man to all the ladies. A mistake in Misato's shopping is only the beginning of her charge's troubles turning his world upside down It's outright the apocolypse, but not the end. CHAP 10 NOW UP!
1. Misato and groceries?

Hey there! Thought this would be a little funny story to start up after seeing so many of those 'Tag' advertisements and mixing it with the Eva crew. I don't really know how far I'll take this or how explicit as I'm a bit new at actually writting up these fanfictions up and a bit slow at it - But I'll try to make these quite worthwhile.

Disclaimer - I don't own any products or brandnames, blah blah blah, people or their names, corporations ortheir names, you get the idea...

Tag - M - some language and strongly implied sexual situations.

Warning: Do not let women pick your deoderant when under the influence of hormones...

* * *

For once in a long while, Misato was actually keeping up her end of the chores and duties as the household guardian…she was shopping. No not her typical beer run with occasional picking up of a few instant meals from the corner. No today it was ACTUAL grocery shopping. Strange thing was, she had volunteered for it which really weirded Shinji out. But hey this new place had opened up near downtown and rumor had it that it also sold a wide variety of imported beers usually never seen around Tokyo 3, so of course she had to try it out…

"Well I've got my needs covered…" Misato checked off her part of the list. Four cases of imported beer – all different brands, her instant, and a six-pack of another brand of drink she yet had to try which was supposed to be a really sweet one. Heck if Maya Ibuki was the one to suggest it, it had to be good.

"Now lets see…just got to pick up Asuka and Shinji's stuff…" consulting the rest of the list. "Eggs – check, Asuka's sausages…okay." Finally she reached the hygiene section. Of course Asuka insisted on getting those things herself dreading the consequences if Misato was left to get the wrong kinds. This had led to quite an angry Asuka when she had teased the young girl about how if she wasn't getting her tampons, how would she know if she wasn't pregnant or something. – That had been quite a mistake as Asuka had yelled quite a lot about Misato being indecent and how she could think she'd be foolish enough to do that with men (maybe Kaji though), then proceeded to verbally beat on Shinji about liking the perverted discussion, and locking herself in her room. Of course it was just for fun…for Misato anyway, and not like it didn't happen every week or so…

All that was left was Shinji's deodorant and probably the only thing that he tried to get clear to Misato as she left. On the list he even gave a description with the brand name – and there it was in front of her, a bland black metallic spray can of no scent deodorant – obviously a cheap one. Misato disregarded his preference and inspected a selection just to the left. It looked a lot like the other one, yet more extravagant and had a sexy aura to it. She took a whiff…

"Ahh. Mmmmm…" '_God that's powerful stuff! Wonder what it would be like if Shinji actually used this stuff!'_ she thought, with some naughty ideas playing in her head. After awhile she realized she had been leaning back against the shelves for the past five minutes daydreaming. _'I suppose I should get going' _With the can of deodorant chosen, she then proceeded to checkout and home…though not realizing some of the looks she got because of her oddly smug face.

0000000000

"WAKE UP YOU BAKA! YOU forgot to set the alarm- AGAIN!" was Shinji's wakeup call the next morning.

"…five more minutes Asuka…"was his response "…wait…WHAT!" Now he was up out of bed just as Asuka walked past his doorway again in a total half dressed mess. Her being only really in panties and apparently struggling with a top, being late, and now noticing Shinji's 'morning tent' – she could only yell at him again-

"You PERVERT – this is no time to – aug! – get excited about seeing a sexy – rrrr – body such as mine that – rahh – thAT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE – GOT THAT BAKA!" She shouted while dominating the blouse and running back into the other room for her skirt. Shinji got dressed into his school uniform quickly.

"Ah…um…sorry." Was all he could offer.

"Oh, and you can forget breakfast, we're going to be late as is – So you can be thankful I don't have the time to KICK YOUR ASS right now!" berated Asuka as she ran back the other way down the hall.

"Wait why are you dressed for school? We have combat tests today Baka! Plus there's no school today anyway!" and ducked her head back out the door.

Shinji double-checked the time – he _did _set the alarm, but for the time to get up for school and not some Eva test that he hadn't been informed of. Not able to do much but finish getting ready he applied some deodorant before leaving grabbing his LCL washup duffle. Asuka was right behind him out the door and coughed a bit.

"Shinji – why do you wear that awful antiseptic stuff!" _cough cough._ "and don't you already have shower stuff at the locker rooms?" she questioned pointing out the bag.

"Yeah, but I have a few things running low and I don't like the stuff they have there…"

"Well at least your picky about somethings…" Asuka grumbled.

* * *

That be the first bit, and I'm already working on the second. So far I can see doing a third for sure soon, after that? depends onthe reveiws I get - So send some!


	2. Free for All 1

(talking over comm channel)

Disclaimer - I don't own any products or brandnames, blah blah blah, people or their names, corporations or their names, you get the idea...

Warning: Beware new games that have no rules.

* * *

"You're kidding me right? You are going to have them train by fighting each other!"

"Well face it Misato, what better way to practice to fight the angels than to practice against what has been destroying them so far?" questioned Dr. Akagi.

"Plus we're running the exercises through the simulation programs and not the actual Eva's, so there shouldn't be any negative effects." Maya Ibuki added.

The three children had already been geared up and submersed into the plugs when Misato had arrived at the testing station. Sure she knew today were combat tests, but she hadn't bothered going over the detail briefings for it.

"Okay you guys are going to be facing off against each other in a free for all. There will be no weapons and you each get three lives. You make a kill by pinning an opponent for five seconds. Got that?" Maya explained to the children over the comm.

(Understood) (Okay) (Gotcha!) came back over the comms.

"Alright, starting program now and you may start when ready." Said Dr. Akagi.

0000000000

Surprisingly the program was quite realistic and the graphics presented the whole of Tokyo 3. Each of them spaced out in an equilateral triangle form around the perimeter

"_This should be easy, it's almost like wrestling." _Was Asuka's train of thought and with her style of domination over opponents _and _fellow pilots, she was quite confident in her ability to get a perfect 3-0 win. _"Now lets see, Wondergirl or the pansy first…"_

In Unit 01 the third child was having similar thoughts. _"Asuka or Ayanami? Ayanami would probably be easier to pin, but…" _except that she was starting to open up to him a little and he didn't want to ruin a chance for friendship by a means that she may see as betrayal. _"Well Asuka likes to fight, so maybe she wouldn't mind…that and she'd love to take this opportunity to pummel me…" _But at least his mind was made up and moved the Eva toward Unit 02's location.

Soon enough he could see the red behemoth a mere half a mile away._ "She's already heading for me"_ he gulped.

(Ooooh Shinjiii~)… he paled…(Wanna wrestle!)

_"mustn't run away, mustn't run away…"_

Then surprisingly 01 jumped forward first grappling for 02, however Asuka had for some odd reason anticipated some sort of dash move, admittingly one that would've been to get away from her. They ended up holding each other's elbows and shoulders and now their legs were working to gain ground and stability in order to overpower the other. Finding it almost a stalemate, Asuka turned to the cheapest of the cheap tricks noticing that she was getting some kind of stress feedback from the arms. She kneed unit 01 between the legs.

For Shinji it wasn't so much the usual pain feedback that he usually experienced.

(AAHHHHH! M-m-my, my…THEIR BEING ELECTROCUTED!)

0000000000

Misato turned seething to Maya "Shock receptors!"

"Well it seemed a better idea than the…well, I'll reset the calibrations to ignore shocking that…area" Maya responded sheepishly.

0000000000

The unfortunate pilot could barely hear Asuka giggling over the comm through the still present pain. She took further advantage of his condition and put him in an easy hold. (That was for getting up late and not making breakfast baka) Asuka scolded. After the five seconds were up, the purple Eva simply dematerialized off the map to be reset for the next life.

In the distance, Asuka could see the blue unit 00 charging her way through the city disregarding the destruction as a result of its wake. "_Ah here comes Wondergirl…she seems peeved about something…" _

Which indeed the first child was. For some reason it angered her that Soyrou had resorted to such means of fighting and may have damaged a certain part of him. _"She shall no longer abuse Ikari!" _

Closing in she dropped to a sliding kick and caused one of 02's legs to be kicked out from under it and the other forced to take a knee. From there however Asuka simply spun around and captured Unit 00 in a headlock as she was attempting to get up from the ground, soon enough it was in vain and the blue Eva was pinned. _"She is simply too strong to overpower with emotions alone…"_ was Rei's thought as she felt an electrical pulse go through her body signaling that she 'died'.

"_Well this is getting to be too easy, I already have two sco-" _

**WHAM**.

Shinji had already reset and tackled her from behind while she had been focused on her last fight. Her shock feedback felt like it was going haywire, getting slammed in the back to be then get her whole front crushed into the ground was creating an intense constant buzz through her whole system. Shinji then held her arms behind her back while sitting on her Eva keeping her immobile.

(You! No! It's not FAIR! I can't go down like this – NOOO!)

"Come on Asuka, what you did really hurt! And I'm not going to go easy on you this time" Actually he was enjoying the fact that he caught her off guard and got the chance to hear her cry like a…well like a baby.

(Get off! Get off! Get off! Get off! GET OFF!...pleeaase Shinji?...) But he knew that she was going to kick the crap out of him later anyway, so he might as well enjoy a little victory and hold his ground.

When the red Eva dissipated, he then noticed a small comm. message icon and opened it.

"Ah…yeah Shinji here?"

(Ikari) It was Rei (I believe that pilot Soyrou is the largest threat at the moment and that we should partake in a temporarily alliance to eliminate her)

"Oh…ah can we do that?

(I am not sure…but I believe it to be the best course of action)

"Okay but we can't let Asuka know about our plan, so how are we supposed to contact each other without her listening in?"

(I have already set this as a private channel)

"...Oh"

0000000000

"So are they allowed to do that?" questioned Misato. Despite it being a private channel between the two pilots, that did not disclude the control room where all the chatter could be monitored from the simulation.

"Well there's no need to stop them and we're not going to confirm or even contact them about it – technically this simulation is a free for all, but I'm honestly more interested in how they want to deal with these situations on their own throughout the game." Shrugged Dr. Akagi.

* * *

Hope the comm channel format didn't mess anyone up! (Aug 2010 edit: well it sure shouldn't now even if I never recieved complaints about it before, that was pretty god-awful layout spacing for dialogue)


	3. Free for All 2

If anyone has noticed any minor detail changes - yeah I'm just reloading and rewording a few chapters here and there. Hope I have chap. 7 out soon for you all and the story should start getting crazy enough that it just might work!

Those who are reading through this fic. for the first time, welcome and thanks for continuing on past the first chapter, glad you find this entertaining enough to do so.

M - yes there is language (Asuka ya know it!), and impl- wait, no real _sexual_ implications this time round...

Warning : Beware of girls with 'explosive' fetishes...

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

_I didn't even see who it was! _Auska forced the Eva to dash backwards again, this time to avoid a bus to the face. Said bus simply bounced off the building behind and dropped to the street. The simulation's graphics hadn't figured in such possibilities.

She had already lost another life and was on her last. It had been completely out of no where, she had simply seen unit 01's horn dodge around one of the skyscrapers, she followed – maybe a little hell-bent on wanting to pound Shinji and lost some focus to her surroundings – but not enough to warrant what happened. Next thing she knew after rushing around the corner, her unit had been grabbed from behind and tripped forward into a hold. Asuka never saw her attacker. Though she was thinking it was Shinji despite the possibility of being able to run around an entire city block large enough to hide an Eva in such a short amount of time – privately she agreed that the pansy could do some pretty amazing stuff when he wanted to.

Next a handful of cars came hurtling in her direction and barely missed. They however did impale themselves into the building beside the unit in an unusual way. Almost as if they where knives, it seemed the bridge bunnies were updating the program.

0000000000

"Maya really, you're going to end up killing them by your programming alone." Akagi jestered.

"Sorry sempai! It's just I thought I'd try making the environmental objects a bit more realistic after that bus."

"Well how about we try this then?" Akagi came over and typed a short program alteration. Maya read it and looked shocked back at her.

0000000000

Another car flew out behind a building to her right and ducked. This time as the car hit the building, it exploded – not with the force expected of a car with a full tank of gas mind you – more like a semi-tanker. That building no longer remained and Auska quickly pried herself out of the apartment the Eva had been blasted into.

"…what the…FUCK!" Asuka dashed away as another auto was tossed at the apartment complex. At least she was a quick learner to stay out of the blast radius and was on the move again.

0000000000

"Ikari, I believe we must discontinue this tactic of yours."

(Huh – why?)

"If we continue with this…arsenal, it is possible that we may lose our cover." Rei theorized.

Shinji also surveyed the damage and considered the options. (Well we could continue for a little while still – Plus this is kind of fun pissing Asuka off…)

Rei could understand that rational and humiliating pilot Sohryu would be worthy retribution for past offences. Her unit then proceeded to pick up a nearby auto – an actual semi-tanker.

On the outskirts of the downtown area where said auto landed, an explosion equivalent to that of an N2 Mine occurred. Moments later right next to the blue Eva, five more tankers suddenly appeared all lined up as ammo. Almost gleefully Rei reached for one but just as quickly as they appeared they faded being deleted from the simulation.

_'Darn'_

0000000000

"What were you thinking Misato!" who was currently being held back away from the computers by Aboda and Makoto as Maya and Akagi attempted to edit the program.

"What? I was just a little curious if that little program figured in siz-"

"Really Misato – Five! Especially when we didn't even have trucks in the map and you just happen to give it to Ayanami. Then you see what happens and give her five more!"

"...it's just a game…" Misato muttered.

0000000000

Both Units 01 and 02 climbed out of some rubble, their pilots barely comprehending what had happened.

(Uh...Rei. What was that!) Shinji asked over the comm. (And what about keeping cover?)

"…"

(Rei?)

"…I believe I unknowingly used a weapon of excessive force…"

Rei strangely found herself not caring for the destruction of their cover that much. She was also a little disturbed by how eagerly she had been to use more a short time ago. _Am I developing what they call a 'fetish' for explosives?_ Conducting a small test she tossed another car down the street – it did not explode but merely bounced and noticed how she felt quite unsatisfied. _It appears so…_

(We're going to have to go with another plan Rei!) Shinji called out. He also found that the cars no longer exploded as well when discovering the fact that he and the red Eva had been only two blocks apart when the explosion occurred and chucked the first unfortunate vehicle he found. He was also now triple-timing it to the half of downtown that hadn't been obliterated and could still offer cover.

"That's right you baka! Run away! BECAUSE I'M SO GOING TO FUCK YOU UP WHEN I CATCH YOU!" And Auska charged into what was left of the metropolis after him.

0000000000

Shortly after, it was apparent that the elusive purple unit was well in hiding, and more so Unit 00.

'_Maybe the baka finished her off – it would be like such a whimpering pansy that he is to go after someone weak. But then that would leave me a kill behind…' _Again Asuka was getting frustrated, she had to be careful with only one life still left, yet she wanted to tear into him so badly! "BAKA! Get your ass out here and face me!"

Surprisingly enough, peeking around the next corner she spotted his Eva at the end of the avenue. Standing there as if waiting for her. Fucking logic and sense, she sent them to go fuck and suck her instinct's royal ass. She charged at him to nail him into the building behind and pound the living crap out of him. There would be no pin, she was decided on to keep him in such torment for a long, long time.

Just before smashing into her opponent, the purple Eva side stepped and grabbed onto the red unit's wrist. At the same time, a blue one grabbed the opposite and together they guided Asuka's momentum with some extra force into the wall face first. Then instantly continuing their guided spin into a full round-house kick together to the back of the red unit's head. Asuka never really saw anything but Unit 01 disappear and the wall, but as her Eva fell onto its back, through her pain and daze, she was just able to make out the image of both units standing over her and comprehend not what happened, but simply the fact the two had worked together.

"Chea…ters…"

* * *

...scary isn't it, I had a brain fart and had to act on it, I promise something this weird won't happen again...nevermind, that's kind of the point of this.


	4. It Begins

Wow. Took me long enough I know and was hoping to have a two chap release like last weekend or by the end of Easter break. Yeah I suck, ACTUALLY I've been too busy reading everyone elses - that means more reviews for some of you, so still a plus for those of you who leave reveiws!

BIG THANKS for those who left reviews for last chap., and glad that the Asuka beatdown was appreciated. To Asuka fans though - I'm not dissing her, she got her time to show off.

Disclaimer: If you've read this far, you've seen it. I don't own anything of $ value anyway.

Yes this is rated M, some reasons should be evident, but more so later...if I get that far...

Warning: Those who smelt it, dealt it.

* * *

Getting the last of the LCL out of his hair, Shinji was finally able to relax under the warm stream of water and reflect on that day's exercise. It had proven to be quite interesting and honestly the most fun he had ever had relating to Eva. Asuka of course was going to be pissed, but fortunately she was still in the infirmary a bit dazed. And even though she was then out of the fight, things had remained eventful…

_-Flashback- _

_"Wheeww, hey! Rei – we won! We make a pretty good team don't we."_

_… _

_"Rei?"_

_Unit 00 then kneed his sideways to the gut and flipped 01 over onto its backside. She then jumped on top and pinned his arms. Shinji focus cleared only to find himself – no, his unit straddled by hers. _

_"I – I thought we were a team!" _

_(I believe I said it was a temporary alliance. As there no more targets, it is logical to drop diplomacy and eliminate the last opponent)_

_"Well being…friends, I thought you'd give me a little warning or…something…" _

_… _

_"Um…Rei?" _

_(…hmmm…) _

_As the simulators even had stimulation readers like the Evas, Shinji could feel something starting to slide across his sore abs. Where Unit 01's abs were, Unit 00 was currently straddling him and as the blue haired girl had control of that Eva, '_…that would mean…that would mean – Rei's…**grinding** me_…'_

_… _

_… _

_… _

_There Shinji had momentarily fainted and the purple unit dissolved. _

0000000000

In the next locker room over, a certain blue haired Rei Ayanami was also reflecting back on that situation.

_'…That had been…nice, pleasant even…being in a position of dominance…and the physical contact, I've never felt such…' _

0000000000

Figuring he should get going to the debriefing before they sent an embarrassed Maya for him, Shinji finished his shower and got dressed. Taking a testing whiff now that he was dry he, still picked up some of the lingering LCL stench. Finding his deodorant in the locker empty, he reached for the new can in his duffle.

"AACK OOH! KAAAAAA!"

Shinji coughing sounded like a cross between a tortured animal and a sputtering model 'T'. His nostrils burned like they were being picked apart by fire ants and the very air he breathed was a throat burning concoction! Checking the can he found it was not his usual deodorant spray, but something called 'Tag'…

"W-What The HELL is this?"

"Um, Shinji are you ready?" Maya's voice called from the locker room door. "We're about to start the meeting."

_Well, no use showering again if everyone's waiting on me. _He figured

"I-I'll be right out!" Stowing the last of his things away in the locker, he proceeded to the exit and hoped he didn't offend too many people by this new curse of stench.

"hmm, trying cologne Shinji?" Maya asked.

"S-sorry, I know it must really stink…"

"Actually not, I can't place the smell, but it seems familiar…"

0000000000

No one _really _seemed to notice the change in scent of the room as Shinji walked into the conference room. Ritsuko paused hooking up the last of the media to her laptop, Misato was looking all over the room trying to pinpoint its source (go figure she had forgotten that she had smelled it before – and responsible for it as well), and even Asuka's nose wrinkled up a little at the musky scent.

"Okay now that everyone's here, I'll try to keep this short so as to not bore you-"

"Now that's a true friend! Lessening our time of suffer-."

"Misato! Anyway, you guys did a great job today in the 'game'." Here she glared at Misato again. "Basically we were seeing what you would do left to your own devices and your interactions between each other in this situation based on cooperation, trust, yada-yada. But we were also testing out the new feedback receptors to implement to hopefully override the current high sync feedback from the Evas."

"Just so we can be electrocuted instead!" Shinji cried out almost angrily.

"W-we're truly sorry about th-that…" Maya apologized.

Now Asuka also seeing a chance to complain if the 'baka' could, she had a few to file herself. "And what happened to 'no weapons' huh!"

"Weeell, you see…" Now the 'good' doctor was flustered a bit, but as a responsible professional and being the most mature adult there, she did what she had to do…

"It was Maya's fault."

"Eh! Sempai!" Maya was shocked and what-more heartbroken.

"And Misato put in the Nuke Trucks." Ritsuko added for good measure.

Misato was indifferent and just shrugged. She then noticed that Rei was walking up to her and looked up to her with what seemed to be beaming eyes of new found respect for the Major. Then to Misato's surprise, and all those watching…

Rei hugged her.

It would've been a cute scene, hell even adorable if it wasn't for the shock everyone was experiencing. Everyone of course except Asuka and the silence was once again broken.

"You. Mean. It. Was. Your. FAULT!" And thus the inevitable battle ensued between her, the techs, her guardian/CO.

While the fight raged, Rei calmly made her way over to Shinji and snuggled up against his side. Determining finally where the scent was coming from, she congratulated herself for that mission accomplished. Looking up at his with wide eyes she lightly smiled with a small blush._ Why do I feel this way?...so content and comfortable?_

Continuing with the argument with her subordinate, friend, and the psychotic pilot, Ritsuko was starting to get worked up, and **that** scent was only aggravating her more! "And for that matter…. – Okay that's it! Where is that damn smell coming from?"

"I believe it is coming from Shinji-kun." The girl called from his side.

Before any of them even saw her move, Misato tackled him to the floor and snuggled him like a stuffed teddy bear – finally finding the source of that oh-so manly smell.

"I swear, no morals at all…" Ritsuko shook her head in disgust.

_

* * *

_

One more down, how many left to go? WHO KNOWS!

Also hope the 'Tag Warning' made sense - should if you read the beginning especially, if you don't...wow u r has problems, but seriously if things in this story don't make sense - send me a message or heck even put it as your review and I'll try to clarify it via direct message or post it on the next chap.

Reviews greatly welcomed, flames too for some blunt crit.

_

* * *

_

_NOW FOR ANOTHER EXPERIMENT OF MINE!_

Ritsuko: "You made me say 'yada-yada'!"

Maya: "And you put the blame on m-e-ee!" weeps.

Ritsuko: "THAT WAS THE AUTHOR'S FAULT! - He made me say it!"

Misato: "Could someone **please** get Rei off me!" -is trying to wrench herself out of the girl's hug-

Rei: "I love you for ever and ever and ever and ever-"

Shinji: "Um, I don't think that stuff smells bad actually, it's just a little strong..."

Asuka: "Yeah it just seems too strong for such a wimp like you, plus I think Kaji wears that stuff too."

Misato: "Say Whaa! No wonder I fell for him. Come on let go Rei, I need to go...'discuss' some matters with a certain spy."

Rei: -now spotting Shinji (or picking up his scent) lets go of Misato and snuggles up to him- "Only as long as you promise to stay away from my supply and...remember I love you!"

Asuka: "Let me guess, she convinced the blonde to upgrade your explosive toys."

Ritsuko: "Can't compete with the numbers - plus we got a positive review about Rei and having a fetish for them. Hey Maya! Show her what we got!"

Maya: -opens the large hanger doors revealing a gigantic long pipe-like gun- "What we have here is an oversized replica of the Harconnen Canon from the Helsing Organization with 18-ton HE core shells tiped with anti-AT field tips,the barrel is of highly reinforced layers of titanium and a range of 1,200 miles!"

Rei: -runs up to the nearest part of it and lays on the barrel while addoringly rubbing her cheek against it- "**!**"

Shinji: "Looks like I'll have competition..."

Asuka: "You said it...Hey! Why don't I get some new special weapon!"

Shinji: -sweatdrops- "...that's, that's not what I meant..."


	5. Unimportant Troubles

Hey I'm back again! About time right? Right. So I won't make you wait anylonger - Read on!

Disclaimer - I don't own any products or brandnames, blah blah blah, people or their names, corporations ortheir names, you get the idea...

Tag - M - some language and strongly implied sexual situations.

Warning: Don't really know, maybe something about giving your new girlfriend a ride home along with your mix-matched family?

* * *

"You've got to be kidding!"

Asuka was not pleased with the printout Akagi had handed them as they left NERV. On it was a mock certificate showing the pilot score stats and placement from the simulator run.

**1st **Rei 

**2nd **Shinji

**3rd **Asuka

Name Kills Assists Deaths Score

Rei: ... 2 ... 1 ... 1 ... 2

Shinji: 1 ... 1 ... 2 ... 0

Asuka:2 ... 0 ... 3 ... -1

"I can't be last an-and…'WONDERBITCH' WON!"

"I fail to see how I am capable of being a femal dog?" Rei tilted her head sideways towards Shinji who upon noticing the statement/question was directed to him to clarify, only face planted into the back of Misato's carseat - again.

Seeing the two close together at the end of the debriefing cute, Misato had 'offered' Rei a ride back home which for once didn't take much prompting and ever since they had left NERV, she seemed to be putting in more effort to...well Shinji wasn't quite sure what exactly the girl was trying to do. She had questioned almost everything that had come out of Asuka's mouth, which was only causing her to get more frustrated, and had directed everyone of these at him to explain, which was about to drive him mad! During this trip alone, she had probably even spoken more then Shinji had ever heard from her than the last six months.

"Well Rei we'll see you tomarrow then!" Misato called from the driver's seat as they screeched to a stop outside her dingy apartment complex, also causing a hobo to scramble out of his cozy gutter before being ran over.

The blue haired girl only looked out the window to her residence, then back at Shinji. Looked again at the apartment and back at Shinji once more but this time accompied with a never before seen expression upon her face. It was a look of begging, of course the only evidence was the small change of emotion within those intense red eyes. He felt as if only he knew this little secret in understanding the enigmatic girl sometimes.

"Helloooo" Asuka waved from the front seat. "Getting out or what?"

"No"

"Say what?"

"The only other option is to remain in the vehicle..."

"That's it First! Knock it off 'cause it's really getting annoying!"

"What is it that you are refering to that I am to knock off?"

Shinji smacked his face back into the seat yet again and groaned. Then got stuck under it as his 'guardian' reclined back as she let loose a full fit of laughs.

"And what the hell is wrong with you?" deadpanned Asuka.

"-oh, a little pre-second impact joke - 'IM TRYING TO! I'M TRYING TO!'" and to clarify she made movements as if trying to knock her head off. To no effect. "...um, okay nevermind..."

"...Is major Katsuragi implying that the head must be knocked off in order to stop the contamination of the mind?" Possibly the longest sentence he had ever heard her say, and oh why did it have to be as another question directed for him to answer?

"Oh for the love of god!" Asuka threw her hands up into the air.

"Really Rei that's enough, go home, so we all can get some long needed rest."

"I. I do not wish to...leave...Shinji-"

"Go ahead! Take the baka!"

"Ah, what about dinner?" Misato interjected.

"Oh, right. Too bad wondergirl, can't have him!"

"You questioned whether I was 'getting out or what', stating that I have the option to stay with Shinji-kun."

"Yeah! Get out or get the hell out already!"

"That is not a viable option."

**"Pilot Rei Ayanami!"** _I don't want to do this _Misato winced having to fall back as thier tactical officer. "I'm ordering you to stop being stubborn and GO. HOME!"

Shinji swore he saw a pout on the girl's face as she reluctently got out of the car, she then slammed the door and proceeded to the apartment entryway. They were lucky she only got frustrated or irritated when things became emotional.

He was slightly worried that there would have been tears or worse - a more physical eviction with her glomping him... No, wait that wouldn't of been too bad actually... Hell he didn't know anymore, he was flattered greatly as how fast she had suddenly taken a liking of him, but things had started to get crazy lately to the point that he hadn't really evaluated how he felt about the situation. Was this attatchment a crush that could be worked into a relationship? Or had she finally tipped somewhere in the mental scale, her behavior the past hour definetly supported something along those lines. So did she like him now or was she being manipulated by something?

Down in the depths of NERV, a hollow and evil bastard looked into his son's mind. "Yes son, soon you will be a man as you have taken a step into puzzling about what makes women tick."

The MAGI sneezed.

0000000000

Finally after a little beer run, the trio got home. Asuka flopping down onto the sofa to watch some pre-dinner TV, Shinji preperaring the kitchen to make dinner, and Misato restocking her beer fridge and poping the top of the last one.

"Sooo." she leaned in towards Shinji.

"hmm"

"You and Rei hu?"

"hmm, whoa - wha!"

"Got a little comfy with each other today didn't cha? And I don't just mean during the meeting either!" she chided.

"I-I don't know what your talking about!"

"Oh please, she's never even been that attached to the commander and I noticed how she was snuggling up to you in the back seat-"

"It's not like that! I mean, she was acting a little stange today right - she hugged you, argued with Asuka, and suddenly has a crush on me.."

"Maybe your right and there could be something wrong. _at least we won't have to deal with her if she is messed up some how. _I'll have Rits check on it in the morning, but if things do get hot and heavy, make damn sure you use a cond-"

The door bell rang and Shinji shot for his chance away from a embarrassing moment to go be a well catoring host. And on the other side was non other than-

"Oh. It's only you. Misato's in the kitchen."

Kaji looked bewildered. Shinji and him had always gotten along well enough and now here he was admitting him with a sense of disappointment in who the guest was.

Actually Shinji was very releaved. First off Kaji would keep Misato busy enough to get her off his back Second, it hadn't been some madman or organization there to kidnap him - though somedays he wished it were so. And for some reason he also had a feeling that someone else entirely was after him, hell he wouldn't be surprised if-

The door bell rang again.

"Kaji, you didn't! This is not a party house for you guys to drop in on anytime you feel like it!"

"Say what! Why didn't you tell me sweet _Kaji _was here?" Asuka's voice rang from the living room.

Shinji figured that he might as well also admit Ritsuko and possibly Maya who usually tagged along to these little parties held at their apartment.

"I swear my love, the party I had in mind is only meant for the two of us. And Asuka, please let go of my leg!"

Shinji opened the door and there stood-

"A-Ayanami!"

* * *

Good, Bad, Better, Worse? Review.

Some people voiced how the narroration is all mixed up in this chap. and possible the next. I think if you actually know the characters of Evangelion, you'll be able to tell who's saying/thinking what. So it's how I wanted it. I have another chap. in the works, but then I might hang this story for a while to work on others. I don't get that much time to type anymore and my current computer doesn't have the greater programs or internet access - so I won't even be able to read and review that much now either.

But I will give you guys another round of my OMAKES!

* * *

O-2

And on the other side of the door was-

"FATHER! You came back for me! The babysitter was **_scary_** - she keeps drinking beer and ranting, letting the other kids pick on me, and then the mad penguin at my lunch! I don't ever want to come here again!"

"I will never leave you again, don't worry son. It'll all be taken care of soon."

Gendo then dialled into his cell. "Yes. I need a clean up operation at the Katsuragi residence this evening. Yes the Over the Rainbow Daycare. Excellent then."

As they drove away, a missile was on its way.

Extreme? maybe, but effective in his eyes when dealing with a drunk and irresponsible babysitter - and especially that penguin, they just plain creeped him out...

O-3

"Come - on - Rei!" Ritsuko grunted. "You have to - go - home someti-ime!"

"NOOO! I don't want to leave my Shinji-sama!" the pilot bawled and tightned her grip around the one part of her new Harkconnen canon that she could get her slim arms around.

"Why does she call it that anyway?" Misato asked Maya as they both watched the struggle.

"I'm not sure, but she was raving earlier to Asuka about how it would'rule over the land and school all the angels' or something like that."

"Okay, I still don't get why it's named after me." Shinji called as he too joined them. "I mean Rei hasn't even noticed me unless I actually use this 'Tag' stuff - and so far I still haven't really gotten any real action here!" (yelling specifically to get author's attention) **"Use the force young o-" **

"FUCK. THAT! -I know what you want me to do - FINE! I'LL DO IT! I'LL PROVE YOU WRONG THINKING I WONT!" Takes a can out of the duffle and empties the whole can unto himself."THERE! HAPPY NOW!"

"Yes, very...Shinji-saaama." a seductive whisper tickled his ear. "As I told pilot Sohryu, it will be your cannon that shall rule over my tracks of land and will teach the Angels what it means to be a man..."

His only comment. "Oh shit."

"Um. I'm just a little confused now, I thought-"

"Yes, it applies to both Misato." Ritsuko clarified

* * *

Do I really have to say anything? The next chapter awaits!


	6. BangBang

HOLY FKING SHIIEET! I had 12 reviews in the first 24 hours that I had the last chapter up...WOW! I must of been doing something right I guess, but certainly not doing well on updating. Anywho, Thank you all much for reviewing. Also looks like a suggestion was made, and I'll see what I can do with it - Other suggestions and ESPECIALLY OMAKES ARE WELCOME! (yes you'll get credit for them too - titled at the top of each with a little bow if you want)

Disclaimer - I don't own any products or brandnames, blah blah blah, people or their names, corporations ortheir names, you get the idea...

Tag - M - language and strongly implied sexual situations.

Warning: This product is most infinately definately NON-stalker proof, good luck...

* * *

"A-Ayanami!"

For some strange reason, Shinji wasn't all that surprised really to see her standing there, for he had that foreboding feeling that she wouldn't be deterred so easily.

"May I come inside..."

"Oh! a-a sorry!"

As she passed by him, Shinji noticed her eyes were narrowed at him. _Probably upset at me for not standing up for her_...

"Um, how did you get here actually? Don't the trams shut down after 8?"

"I walked..."

"That was fast - I swear we just dropped you off at your apartment."

"...I...Walked..." her eyes narrowed further. '_no lets make that pissed at me_.'

Just then Misato called again from the kitchen "Come on Shinji! Stop making out with Maya and let them in!"

Rei was now glaring at him with a look that was outright starting to disturb him. '_definitely pissed_.' and turned her back on him as she walked into the living room. Soon enough the others came out of the kitchen expecting to have a round of cheer with the techies, but upon noticing the blue-haired pilot there instead, all became quiet in the confusion. Of course there was one who could not stand things being quiet for too long.

"...yeah, _this _is a party..." Asuka remarked sarcastically.

Misato was even now checking every corner of the room and entrance hallway for her friends to make sure this wasn't a joke, while Kaji had a triumphant grin on his face.

"See Katsuragi, I DO tell the truth...time to time. And now that the kids can have their own little party, we can retire to phase 2 of our-"

"Don't even **think** of finishing that thought if you plan on keeping your manhood!"

Shinji couldn't remember a time where his guardian looked so alarmingly insane and stressed - the presence of a throbbing vein on her forehead was new, that and her sidearm was cocked and aimed to said area. "I'll be leaving now." He said wisely.

"And you" she now sighed and directed her attention to Rei "what are you doing here..."

"Because I wish to."

"Sure you do, but how the hell am I going to get you home - I don't want to drive around tonight, but it's past curfew for you..."

"I could remain he-"

"Absolutely not! Oh-nonononoo, I see what you were trying to do!" _so she knows my plan_...Rei grumbled.

"Um, I can drive her back?" questioned Kaji from the doorway.

A shot ran out, three pairs of wide eyes, a hole to the immediate left of his hip and a wetness in his pants, all done without looking behind her - there was no way in hell she would allow that unshaven mishap of a man have a favor over her. And the slow, but fearful shutting of the door confirmed that he finally gave up...for now.

"Wh-What is wrong with you - You almost killed him!" Asuka was still shocked from what happened.

"I know, I've been practicing but I still missed dang it." grumbled Misato.

Right, if this became the new usual under the roof of their nut-house, Shinji really was going to go crazy and book himself to an asylum far far away. A small padded room was starting to appeal to him even. _'I wonder if they come in blue...' _Wait, where did that come from? Blue was never really his favorite color, but suddenly it was taking residence in his comfy zone of his mind where thoughts of calm were. Oh...the blue haired girl now glomping onto him trying to find any means possible to stay, could be a reason...

"Major Katsuragi, you will not be able to deter me with that weapon"

Misato just sighed "Fine, I'll shoot Shinji if you don't leave then!" Here Rei's expressionless eyes actually widened in alarm. _Ah yes, my lil' toy is solving my problems well tonight!_

"...I...will not make anymore statements that…irritate you? she questioned testily.

"Wondergirl - you just being here is irritating the hell out of me!"

Shinji imagined Rei could've made several interesting comments for Asuka's retort, but thankfully she remained silent.

"Look here you two, it was cute at first, but I really don't want to deal with this right now! So you have ten seconds before I start making holes in your toy here...1..."

"Um, Misato?"

"2..."

"But you are his guardian and"

"3..."

"i-it would not be a-a-"

"4..."

Two gulps, what was he to do? The gun was pointed at him, Rei might not make it to the door in time, and - and _Asuka was munching on popcorn_!

"**_8!_**..." and the hammer was cocked.

"WHAT" "Wait a second!" "I believe that is cheating..."

"**9**"

"M-MISATO, HEY IT'S M-ME, SHINJI - **SHINJI**!"

"**10!**" "NOOO!"

The shot never came. Instead two of them looked on in bewilderment at the odd scene before them. At the last second, a body had dived and shielded the poor boy - and it was not Rei. Misato was a little shocked that the redhead cared for him enough to do that.

"I was only going to shoot his foot-"

"ARE YOU **FREAKING** MAD WOMAN!"

"And since when did you start caring so much for Shinji-kun eeh?"

"I...I do not! I'll admit the baka makes damn good food, and you were about to take that away!"

Misato's posture was now lax and the gun down at her side, Rei now seized her chance grabbing and tossing it out through the window, where it just happened to fall the 5 stories and hit an unexpecting Kaji squarely on the head.

Back up in the apartment, Misato was glaring at Rei, who in turn was now glaring at Asuka who was doing something rather…different… Recovering from his terror, Shinji started to notice that the ill-tempered girl seemed to be getting quite comfortable snuggling into him and...sniffing him.

_Okaaay…not good, not good not good not good… _Now he also caught Rei's narrowed eyes looking down upon his sorry soul. _Oh just get it over with and kill me._

"Um. Asuka...w-would you please g-"

"WHAT THE HELL! Let go of me you PERVERT!"

"-b-but I'm not!"

He tried to argue, but only got shoved off the couch roughly onto the floor. Somewhat hurt, yet also relieved seeing no-one come to his aid, Shinji decided that this was the best time to disappear as all three girls started to get in an argument. Rei and Asuka upset that she was going to shoot him, and was now trying to chew out Rei for breaking the window and losing her favorite gun.

Oh, and speaking of that gun, Kaji just happened to try to return it. Realizing his presence at the doorway, Misato turned away from the argument with fire in her eyes. When she started charging at him, Kaji's short bout of amnesia quickly dropped and remembered the reason he had left there in the first place. The mad, but still sexy goddess and the object in his hands. His conclusion – _oh…crap… _

Then he finally had the sense to run for it. Back out the door and down the hallway. The elevator? No! - would take too long – he instead ran for the stairs. Misato however jumped off the balcony effectively skipping several flights of stairs and was right on his ass now – Asuka was not far behind trying to save him. _Holy Shit! Who are these women?_

Back at the apartment, seeing Rei walk towards the exit, Shinji decided that that was enough excitement for one day and was going to bed. He however did not happen to catch the blue-haired girl's little smirk - finding that this was her chance…she shut and locked the main door, but hadn't left...

* * *

A/N: I know a few of you were probably getting fed up with me not updating all summer, but here it was finally and a bit longer than the other chapters too. Mostly because I had some cases of writers block towards the end of this chap. – I believe the next couple will come much easier to me however and you all can start looking forward to more.

Yet I'm not getting Omake suggestions people! This may be the only fic. I'll be putting them in as the other fics I'm thinking up are much more serious – so this is your chance and I'm not seeing much more than 3 more chaps for this one! And as I said you will get credit for them.

Apart from that – THANKS FOR READING – and here's more Omake too!

* * *

O-4

Shinji however did not happen to catch the blue-haired girl's little smirk- finding that this was her chance…she shut and locked the main door.

Heading down the hallway she started removing her clothes. First that annoying school uniform – not like anyone would notice it on the kitchen chair among the other coats. She started to feel a little excited at the prospect of Shinji catching her next to his bedroom door while removing the itsy bra.

_'... so close now – I've waited for this chance for so long!' _And she opened the door now in front of her and rushed in. Quickly and with stealth she wrapped her arms around the object of her affection. '_Yes – YES I'll do it tonight, m-my first time...'_

So delicately she turned one of the valves for the hot water…wait what? Now you're probably wondering what the hell is going on here right?

"Is someone here? Please leave, I am trying to take a bubble bath - and by Lilith I WILL FINALLY HAVE ONE GODDAMIT!"

Shit! She's spotted you looking through the camera lense by the door, procedes to punch you in the face back out and shuts the door. Hey that's what you get damn perverts.

O-5

Deep within the bowels of NERV. Where the darkest and most inhumane experiments are created – wait no, this isn't that evil place…well okay they're the labs of the 'secret-but-not-evil experiments. The _dear_ doctor Akagi was once again running a little side-job hobby to pass the lonely midnight hours. Presently oh so carefully handling one of the most delicate of 'samples' for the formula-

"Hey Sempai! – what-cha do'in?" Maya suddenly called out.

Caught surprised, the doctor fumbled with the container, this way, that way, bent over matrix style and finally ended up catching it an inch off the ground. _Too close…_she sighed.

"Just one of my side-jobs to make money."

"Yeah we all haff to pull our weight around here wif Nerv being so cheap wif our pay checks huh? It just isn't right you know!" Maya responded almost angerly.

"Maya you're rambling again – did you sneak some drinks after your shift?"

"Surr as hell did! Being a bartender night shift rules. Got lucky though comared to poor Misato – being a prostitute on the side wifout the kids know'in…"

"Well they have to start chipping in soon enough too though. Rei's already started since she doesn't see much combat in the Eva."

"Likk what?" Maya asked.

"Um, well a couple of thinks really – but recently she became the poster-girl of Nerv. Can you believe that!"

"…damn…wah's Asuka goin to do?"

* * *

All for now. You could send some omakes and then there'd be more though!

Thank You 'shinjithegoodsharer' for the request of tormenting Kaji, he's a cool guy but continuing to flirt around Misato isn't quite the best idea for him, so sorry to those who want him killed and to those who hate me for putting him in such a position. Comedic bashing I call it.

Also some of you have voiced a want of turning this into a S/R romance - I intend to, but not quite of 'romance' level. I will NOT doing this as a harem either, but come on - it's tag...so keep your eyes open for foreshadowed trouble for Shinji and a very..._defensive_ Rei.


	7. Get the Implication?

This chapter has been redone! It was just way too short and used more as intervention between ideas. Should be better now!

Sorry for the 3rd/1st person POV switching in the last chap. as some of you found it a little confusing. Mostly it was a 3rd person POV and I thought it would be pretty clear who was thinking what. So all I can say is I'll try to keep it from being confusing, otherwise you're just going to have to deal with it – ha! I don't mean to be mean but I'm also not going for five stars on this story – though your reviews are appreciated.

Disclaimer - YES I'm the one who owns Evangelion - responsible for the crappy ending - both of them! I'm the one you all want to strangle, maim, and stab repeatedly. But not Tag - so I can't send you free samples, sorry...

Tag - M - some language and strongly implied sexual situations.

Warning: watch your clothes, they may go places not meant to.

* * *

**Get the Implication? **

Skin on skin, sweat, soft loving moans and whimpers for more. Contact of physical and mental, no need for words to communicate or describe what they felt. Full in emotion, empathy, mind body and soul. So close…too close…it was coming!

And then…he awoke.

As his focus of the ceiling cleared, he had one thought.

_'Damn. Fuing. Dreams!' _

And it had seemed so real too! None of his prior experiences like it could compare – even now he could still almost feel the warmth and those sensations. _'Waaaiiittt a minute.' _He looked south and blue eyes met blue hair snuggled into his shoulder…

"GAH!" he yelped and shot out of the bed. "Re – Ayanami!

W-w-wha-wh-what whe-w-?" damn he was stuttering to the point he couldn't get a word out, but the girl was able to interpret his demand and sat up to answer.

"I decided to remain and rest here when no transport to my apartment was possible"

The blanket hanging from her frame then chose that time to slip off, Shinji's eyes subconsciously traced its fall as it revealed-

- his shirt? "Ah…how did…?" he pointed to the article of clothing and then looked to his bare chest. _On second thought maybe I don't want to know. _

"Would you rather I not wear it?" her question brought back his focus on her only to catch her teasingly tugging at the sleeve showing a bare shoulder. Gulping slightly, he wondered how this all came about and just how the hell he was going to control his cheering teenage hormones from egging him on.

"NO! I-I-I mean no I don't mind at all…you wearing it that is, er keep it on…" he finished weakly and left to get ready for the day, removing himself from hormonal temptation.

Rei was smiling inside. _He was close to voicing his true preference, I wonder what his reaction would be if he realized that I also am borrowing his undergarment? _She thought with the devious smirk now making its way to a physical manifestation. _That and the dream I inspired for him. _

Shinji on the other hand was successful in not meeting any obstacles on the way to the bathroom, making it easier not having to hide his tent as much. But while doing his business he noticed something out of place – much more it was missing all together.

"…don't tell me she…also…oh god…"

0000000000

The breakfast table was rather subdued this morning but almost each occupant seemed rather pleased. The two wild women tired from chasing down, smacking and the other glomping their prey. They barely even noticed or cared about the blue-haired babe sitting satisfied with this morning's accomplishment. And the boy of course was still confused by it all.

It wasn't until they had to get going for school did Misato notice Asuka now staring at where the boy was pulled through the door not by her, but a certain blue haired pilot.

Shinji was a nervous wreck. Here he was being dragged by the enigmatic girl of his dreams – now apparently girlfriend – off towards the school where everyone would notice them together.

As he prepared himself for the teasing from his so-called 'friends', Rei suddenly noted something missing from Shinji's aura.

"Something wrong Rei?" he asked catching her sniffing him.

"It has worn off." And without warning pulled a can from her bag and proceeded to spray him down like a cockroach.

"AK! Oh God not this stuff again! H-how did you get that too!"

"…Akagi gave it to me to test it on you…you smell nice…" She blushingly cuddled into his chest.

'_Easy for you to say…gah! Feels like my skin's burning!'_

Soon enough Asuka was about to catch up when 20 meters away, a scent hit her nose. Momentarily all conscious thought was lost until she found herself hanging onto Shinji's free arm. Surprised at herself, she did what came naturally.

"BAKA – What do you think you're doing!" She berated and threw his arm away. Trying to take up a usual dignified pose, nose up in the air and everything, but accompanied with a faint blush. A small prick in the back of her mind told her not to be so harsh, for once.

"On the other hand, good to see you got rid of that antiseptic stuff Third Child…I might actually be able to stand your presence."

On the other side of the boy, Rei was starting to feel bothered by the violent girl's change in behavior. _'I'm keeping an eye on you pilot Soyhru, you will not ruin this!_' And the girl's poise reminded her of something.

"I believe chickens drown walking around like you do pilot Soyhru."

This opened Asuka's yelling can of the morning, but relieved the blue-haired girl as this turned the second pilot's attention away from the poor boy. Yet her troubles were just beginning…

* * *

**A/N** There, that should seem more like an actual chapter now. But I won't leave it just at that – omakes and the next chapter await also!

So review and feel free to make a request and I'll see what I can do! Someone want's Kaji bashing and it's given me some ideas and helps me write some parts faster.

Til' then.

* * *

OMAKE 06

"I believe chickens drown walking around like you do pilot Soyhru."

"Oh please. Like that's even possible and what does that have to do with me-"

It started raining; for a few moments it didn't really bother them until the red-head started making gagging sounds and waving her hands about before either realized she might be in trouble.

"er...Asuka you can quit that now...Asuka?" Shinji became concerned and pushed her down so her head would tilt also spilling out the collected rain.

"cough cough Ga! cough...I-I-I cough...I t-thought I was a goner that time!" Asuka trembled.

Rei only shook her head and entered lecturing mode "Aaand _how_ many times have we told you not to do that?"

-  
OMAKE 07

Things were not going according to Gendo's scenario, due to a certain pilot's lack of a recent depression.

"He's too happy...solutions?" he called out to the NERV committee.

"Tell him all the truths of NERV?" Dr. Akagi suggested.

5 hours later Shinji comes screaming down the halls out from the meeting.

"This is unexpected, I meant to break down his mind and bend to our every will..."

"Rei."

"Yes Commander?"

We'll be utilizing your plan after all."

"Hai!" Sweet!

OMAKE 08

Yet her troubles were just beginning...

...It started to rain fire. Most would think Armageddon had come in such an alarming presence. But for one blue-haired girl it was...

"...beautiful..." was she could describe it as she stood there mesmerized as people and cars left and right were catching fire, others dodging and running from flaming cover and human torches. Admist this she started simply twirling slowly, taking in the warmth letting her body feel flush with life. There was a rush that excited every cell in her body which previously were always preceptionally cold and frozen in place. She opened her eyes slightly just as her spin landed on Shinji...

Authorities, Nerv, and friends never found either of them from that day on. Their only lead were reports of a blue-haired girl with madly, hungry eyes carrying a boy over her shoulder, screaming as if being lead to his doom.

It probably didn't help the fact that the 'tag' aura she was able to see on him that day somewhat resembled flames also...


	8. Selfish

Yay we're entering the main sequence of this fic. and this chapter is comprised much of what I origionally envisioned at the first conception of this idea before one word of it was written down. Hard to believe I've been able to draw so much more from it since then - and finally writing out this segment has given me even more brain-farts for upcomming chapters so this is still quite alive! This is probably going to also end up being my longest chapter of the story until the end - if there ever is one... There just wasn't any other good place to stop and you'll see at the chapt. end why I did!

Disclaimer - SURE I just HAPPEN to be the one who owns Evangelion - responsible for the crappy ending - both of them! I'm the one you all want to strangle, maim, and stab repeatedly. But not Tag - so I can't send you free samples, sorry...

Tag - M - some language and strongly implied sexual situations.

"talking" _'thought' "whispering" _"communications" **_Author Interrupting_**

Warning: Actually isn't this what's intended to happen? - Hordes of women throwing themselves at you, battling it out amongst themselves to seperate the weak from the strong. And in the middle of it all, you just had to have a girlfriend to mess up such a chance...poor you...

* * *

**Selfish**

Entering the grounds hadn't been any different than any other day, or so that's how it seemed at first. Slowly the new pair was noticed and identified, soon followed pointing out to their friends and gawking.

_"Acceptable social responses to a new couple…"_ Rei thought somewhat gleefully for finally fitting in the social actions of her classmates. Then came the whispers, giggles, and glares? _"…do they not approve though?"_ she blinked at that _"Since when did I care what others thought"_ and walked on arm in arm with the only thing that mattered to her.

Shinji of course still oblivious to all the attention, was focused instead on an ever building sense that something bad was about to happen. As the pair walked passed, the 'scent' hit and all as one turned their predatory eyes toward the school entrance where the prey disappeared to.

After Shinji had unpacked his bag, Hikari sided up to his desk to give the normal greeting as part of her class 'duty'.

"Morning Ikar-" but Rei had pulled her away and stood between the two facing the class rep.

"…Um, need something Ayanami?" she asked surprised as the blue-haired girl remained quiet. "Okay then, could you move so I can talk to Shi-Ikari?" and tried to side step around, but Rei was persistent in blocking her path. By now even the dull boy was taking an interest in her behavior.

"Uh…Rei you can stop that"

"But she is trying to seduce you."

"I-I don't think that's what she's doing" he gawked.

_"Don't be so sure of that Shinji…" _

While the two girls were in their odd stare-off, the boy was suddenly grabbed from behind by a sneaky minx with dark red hair. "Hey-ya Shinji-kun! I missed ya." She greeted with a chipper tone, one that creeped him out a bit and tore out of her embrace.

"Mmmm, Shinji-kun's gotten stronger." She licked her lips while trailing her eyes down his body.

"M-Mana! What in the wor-How are you here!" he back peddled to Rei, who gave a frustrating sigh and addressed the newcomer.

"This isn't the game or a doujin based story Kirishima."

"Well the author needed someone to break up the stare-off and get the plot moving. Hikari's busy with you, Asuka's still in the denial phase ("SHUT UP!"), and the rest are too minor to mention. And who says I was never in the animation – I was probably off camera or something…and I'll probably make it into the Evangelion remake movies!"

"Um Rei – _What the hell is she talking about?_" Shinji whispered to her as Mana continued to rant. At which Rei shrugged and looked over across to Asuka who also looked bewildered at this news.

_'Why would the author do this to us – she has too good of a chance of winning Shinji…"_ Rei pouted.

**_Ahem, er yeah seeing now that they actually dated in the game, I placed a little present in your bag to use later to make up for this. _**

_'OH!... I forgot about _**that**.' She suddenly remembered and proceeded to dig through her pack for something specific.

**_Hey I said that's for LATER! _**

Inside the bag Rei found **that** item…and upon seeing the 'present' she sweat-dropped. _'That's…a bit excessive…'_ and instead pulled out her own facing the girls playing tug-o-war with Shinji. Everybody soon stopped dead in their tracks and started slowly backing off, girls against the walls, boys ducking under the desks fearful that judgment day had come early. What else would they do with a normally quiet, un-expressive girl suddenly leveling a handgun at them? – wait…**_WTF! _**

Hikari was whimpering in the corner "Oh god…she's snapped…I knew it was always the quiet ones!"

It wasn't until Mana reluctantly let go of her prize and moved away that the enigmatic girl started relaxing some. Now seeing her fellow pilots holding shocked faces she tilted her head questionably to the side. "Were you not given a standard NERV issued 7mm?" Both shook their heads slowly, jaws still ajar.

Suddenly both Shinji and Rei's sync ratios linked and sensed movement all throughout the building. The combined feeling of the boy's _'dread-o-shit'_ meter hitting redzone and her AT field reading female Ego-borderlines collapsing exponentially; came to one conclusion. They had to get Shinji out of there – NOW.

She made a sweeping motion with the weapon to make everyone move towards the front of the classroom while she dragged him towards the back exit – only to remember once the door was shut; Japanese classroom exits were located on the side of the room. Which would mean this was the storage closet.

"I see…" Rei deadpanned.

"Way to go Shin-man!" Toji and Kensuke cheered from outside.

With slight delay the two dashed back out to the actual exit.

Girl after girl now came pouring out of unlikely places; from bathrooms, lockers…even the ventilation? – and…were they crawling across the _frickin ceiling?_

The pair dodged right, left, ducked and skidded under a tackling group, then jumped running along the wall to avoid a barricade. Their sync impossibly perfect when they joined back together landing on two girls' shoulders and pushed off linking arms and became a spinning kicking missile to ward off the hallway packed with grappling hands – all the way through an exit and completed a flip onto the school grounds.

A few recovering breaths later, the doors opened and out flooded what looked like the whole female student body and a few of the sexier young teachers with Ashouta complex! It only got worse as to Rei's absolute horror, the backdoor to the boy's locker room slammed open revealing a few guys in just jockstraps…

"Oh HELL NO!" Shinji screamed at them.

With the pause in the mob's advance seeing the jocks; Rei took the chance to whip out her cell and simply pressed #2.

"We need immediate evac!"

"Has there been an angel notice?" 

"NOW!" she yelled into the phone, once again breaking her usually quiet mode.

At that the mob charged. Shinji for once was thinking quick, "Ayanami!" grabbed her hand and swung her around him as she kicked out at each crazed girl within range. It worked for about five successive spins until one of the guys got a grip on the heel throwing her from Shinji's hold. Rei tucked her legs and using the new momentum swung around the side of the jock and landed a sharp blow to the neck with her elbow.

Seeing that they had made a slight opening, the two dashed through to get some space. Just in time as a sedan of Section 2 filled the space between, acting as a temporary barrier as Rei shoved Shinji inside. The driver was fool enough to act calmly in all this. "You called ma'am?"

"GO YOU DUMBASS!" he got the hint.

The car ripping through the school's lots did not deter the frenzied females from giving chase to their prey. They grabbed whatever transport they could to make them faster on the city streets – rollerblades, scooters, bicycles, and those without set out to make traps and blockades in a three block radius. It was almost suspicious the way they were all carrying out these self-assigned duties with a common slight desire 'to become one'

Not one to be out done, Asuka believed if everyone else was getting away with such rambunctious actions – she 'borrowed' one of the cars from the teacher's parking lot. Piling in with her were the only other girls that had not gone wacky, basically just the three – Hikari, Mana, and herself. Unanimously (Asuka secretly) they decided to see if they could help get Shinji out of this mess. Fishtailing and dodging traffic while pulling out of the parking lot proved that the Autoban had indeed given the red-head driving skills.

"This is insane!" Shinji was baffled as yet another girl on bike broadsided the car trying to force the car to turn onto a side street where undoubtedly a trap of some kind would be sprung.

Ahead, the few girls that had cut across a few blocks were now setting up a street blockade of overturned cars forcing the agent to swerve onto a side street. The turn sudden enough to fling Shinji into the window headfirst, rendering him unconscious.

Half way down the alley was another barricade – this was the trap. Taking a quick assessment, Rei decided to use her AT field as there wouldn't be any witnesses to know what it was. The agent was sworn to secrecy, Shinji was still unconscious, and the girls were…preoccupied. However the agent was slowing down even though his primary objective was supposed to be the safety of the pilots. _'the noob'_ she sighed.

"Faster, they will move…"

Only when the car was within two feet of the mass of bodies and junk did she flash the AT field, effectively acting as a plow moving the girls aside in a relatively safe fashion. Unexpectantly a shield of their own activated also, but were too late in deployment as the car was already passing them. Fortunately all NERV agency vehicles had some form of an armored cab resulting in the sides and windows only being scuffed up.

0000000000

Meanwhile Asuka and the others weren't having the best of luck trying to rescue their dear Shinji from an unknown, but surely terrible fate. The streets were filled with mayhem from the rushing mob resulting in minor accidents from cars dodging the girls and eventual use of said vehicles being turned over for roadblocks to box in their prey.

Even though their ride was banged up, the red-head's driving skills were holding. She didn't care, after all it didn't belong to her or anyone she knew, and even so Nerv could glaze the whole thing over later – this was an emergency damn it! …though she couldn't really fathom the reason why she cared…

Turning another random corner and using the sidewalk to get around an intersection crash, the streets seemed to get a little clearer as they were now traveling the edges of the mob affected area. It was here that Mana spotted a black sedan screaming out from a side road onto the other lane slightly ahead of them.

They sped up and pulled alongside also noticing that both cars were junked quite equally. Looking in was an odd sight for the three as they witnessed what appeared to be Ayanami constantly yelling at the driver as she pointed towards them. She cast a look back at them and did a double take, then ceased harassing the agent and rolled down the window instead. Mana did likewise.

"You two alright!" she called out.

A nod was their only indication as the blue haired girl's throat was getting quite sore.

"Oh my God – Shinji!" Hikari suddenly yelled from the back upon seeing the boy's condition.

Asuka almost sent the car out of control as she glanced back at him for a little too long. He was lying with his head against the backseat window obviously knocked out.

"Dang-it! We got trouble coming from the right!" alarmed Mana

These were the remainder of the mob realizing that the prey had escaped the trap and were now streaming from the boxed in area to make one last attempt to cut off their escape. Undoubtedly it would come down to when the two roads merged together forming a freeway, right before it crossed a bridge leading from that section of Tokyo-3.

Approaching this point, for a moment both female pilot's minds synced and nodded to the other. The cars were directed to switch places so that the borrowed teacher's car could intercept the force and pulled further ahead to prepare for a maneuver. Hikari and Mana barely grasped what was going to happen before latching on to each other as Asuka suddenly sent the car into a controlled spin.

At their speed this would be considered very dangerous by even the most harrowing stunt driver, only to be put to further shame as the vehicle came to a halt right on the spot desired. Not a dime's width out of place, parked sideways at the other lane's entrance to the freeway – thus effectively stopping the crazed mob. A few of the front ones on bike slammed into the side panels and were launched over head and just missed grabbing onto the other car. Amazingly these girls rose quickly with only a few scrapes.

The others climbed over the hood and continued on by foot, but were no longer a big threat considering their fastest form of mobilizing was left behind.

Rei watched as the little trick worked for the most part as they sped by the clog. However the opposition was still persistent on following after the car even when only left with the option of traveling by foot. The beginning of the bridge would be the best cut off point now, but they needed something that would stop the mob for sure…

**_You may find that gift earlier useful now _**

She blinked at this suggestion, _'maybe that won't be excessive at all…'_ and dug back into her bag.

Shinji was starting to come to when he noticed legs standing beside him on the seat and followed the view up (momentarily catching a flash of white from a wind swept skirt) to the sunroof where Rei stood pulling something from her book bag. It wasn't anything small by no means as more and more was revealed – clearly something that was impossibly large to store in a simple flat notebook carrier. Of all things it turned out to be as she freed the last of it from the case and brought it to bare, was a rocket launcher…

Yes my friends; the anime universe rule of petite girls wielding big big guns has made its presence known once again. All this one needed now, was the proper stuff to blow up.

A parked semi tanker immediately caught her eye as not long ago she had some…_experience_ in using such ammunition and gleefully fired away. It was at this moment that she noticed something of interest – _'It looks much the same as the ones Katsuragi introduced in the Eva simulator…'_

… as these two trucks where indeed identical in appearance, it was quite a lucky break that they were not the same in reaction, but a regular tanker.

**_KAAABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM! _**

…Not to say that it didn't still create one hell of a show!

With fire dancing in her eyes, this havoc beauty reached down and plucked the stunned boy up and gave him one outright theatrical kiss of passion – complete with flaming backdrop and secondary explosions.

_'Mine!'_

* * *

**_A/N: _**There! That big sucker is done and it's only made tons more of ideas to form in the process to use in up coming chapters!

From here, I haven't really put up a plot too much except the bare bones and the underworks. But still experimenting stringing several ideas together – so send some if you think it would really fit awesome or even just ideas for omakes – at the speed I update, they'd make it into the next chapter upcoming easily.

**_NOTICE: _I'll go ahead and announce this now also – two chapters from this one (10), I'm going to go ahead and turn over to you fans for the majority ruling of THAT chapter. So any and all ideas that come from you guys I will work into the moments/events/characterizations/dialog/interactions in anyway possible as long as it doesn't interfere too much with the base rules I've laid down for this fic.**

-At the end I'll make a credits list for those participating also—

And without further ado – Omake time!

* * *

OMAKE 09

It only got worse as to Rei's absolute horror, the back wall of the boy's locker room burst open revealing…

"OH YEAH! OH YEAH!"

…the cool-aid man.

"Oh HELL NO!" Shinji screamed at the sight of his tights.

OMAKE 10

The Section 2 car pulled in, acting as a temporary barrier as Rei shoved Shinji inside. The driver was fool enough to act calmly in all this. "You called ma'am?"

"Yes, take us to HQ!"

"Would you like coffee or tea ma'am?"

"…"Rei blinked at the odd man

"…coffee please" Shinji responded.

"Music?"

"…should we not go?" She looked warily outside at the mob piling on the car.

"Anything to read then?" The man continued on oblivious.

"rrrrr!" She groaned while the boy marveled at how quiet the inside was despite the crowd outside banging on the windows.

"And where would you like to go?" The driver/section 2 agent/chafer asked kindly.

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU NERV HEADQUARTERS YOU DUMBASS!" Rei exploded.

"How rude! I shall let turn it all over to you then – good day!" He huffed and calmly opened the door and walked through the crowd easily.

Rei took the wheel and started the car back up. Only to have it jerk forward and die. She tilted her head a bit and tried again, again, and again thourghly soaking Shinji in his steaming hot coffee. She finally came to a conclusion about the car causing their dilemma – she didn't know how to work a manual transmission –

"Well…shit…" was her only response and selected an iced tea. They weren't going anywhere for a while.

OMAKE 11

The flaming debris from the gasoline truck indeed had the intended results of the crazed females being unable to proceed pursuit and smoke-screened the pilot's route after crossing the bridge.

The sixteenth angel was rather stunned how the children pilots could've detected and defended from the attack so quickly. It had manifested itself easily and discretely into the minds of these girls who suddenly had the same desire as her to become one – without any prompting. Yet the moment she moved her new found troops in to capture the target, the stealth, the traps, the swarm tactics did nothing!

To say the least, Armisael was pissed. With a great need to release some of this frustration she turned her many bodies back to march upon the ones who aided in the escape – only to find that they and the car were gone…

"grrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRAAAAAHHH!" She roared out with a hundred or so tounges! And finding nothing else to satisfy the situation, the mob turned to the only thing it could do under the influence of an hour's suffering worth of wild female hormones…

…some things better left unsaid until next chapter – Ha! So leave reviews if you want to know and I'll get on it faster!


	9. Chillin in style

**A/N**: Well it's been about a month and I'm sure some of you missed me, but I'm sure most of you are here just for the story – so get on with it! However I do have some announcements for sake of the next great chapter 10.

**Disclaimer** – Yeah like any of us want to claim ownership for something that already has two strikes. I'll wait to see if it's a complete strike-out by the end of the remakes before I attempt the take over of Nerv and Seele thanks.

Tag - M - some language and strongly implied sexual concepts.

**Warning**: Your parent's sense of high life is a twisted version of your own…

* * *

'**Chillin****' – hiding with style**

These streets were dark and quiet, yet calm in the presence of the upper-class neighborhood. A sinister form of the neighborhood-watch programs of years past existed here; shrouded in rumor mills and wife grapevines, never 100 fact but always stood as evidence of events witnessed. In short, the area had seen its share of odd occurrences and mysterious comings and goings to warrant critical eyes.

Almost as smooth as a snake, a black sedan slid from the shadows up to the front of the highest condos. With the slightest pause it again disappeared into the awaiting arms of night. Leaving behind two new shadowed figures to fall under scrutiny of the soul-less watching windows. This powerful dramatic imagery was placed on hold though, when one of the figures broke their stealthy approach by timidly asking a question

"So…where are we exactly Ayana-?"

"-Rei, I wish for you to call me by my first name." the second replied in a more feminine tone.

"…er…so where are we, Rei?" the boy inquired.

"I believe I've made my intentions clear Shinji, I have claimed you as my intimate partner."

"N-No – I-i-i-i-I mean where…physically." The boy tried to recover.

"…hmm, possibly what they call second base…"

"…uuuu..."

"…as we have kissed and I have held you while we slept together." She clarified.

"…(_SIGH)…WHERE _are we in Tokyo, Japan; streets, provinces, address, etc."

"The North Crest high-rise community, Commander Ikari's residence – the second base."

"…my father's?" The boy finished with a glance up the building as they stepped under the eave into the lobby.

Now we all know how well the mentioned father and son get along, so the boy was understandably nervous about such an odd situation this could lead to. The lobby attendant still present, he wisely waited until the elevator doors shut before making his concerns known to the girl as she swiped a card near the service panel.

"It is highly unlikely that we will have a run in with the commander here. This was his previous home while Nerv was constructed…"

Calmed by this news, he now noticed that they were not moving upwards from the lack of pressure on his feet. _'Why am I not surprised that this is underground too?'_ But Rei's continuing explanation recaptured his interest.

"- I believe if it hadn't been for Major Katsuragi's offer of residence, this is where you were to be placed upon joining Nerv."

Then the doors slid open. Queue _"Alleluia!"_ music.

Accentuated lighting came to a warm glow, revealing lively woods, deep comforting textiles and carpets, glinting metal panel devices, rich colored paints highlighting the very bests of the open-plan room.

_(song climax)_ And there, the crown jewel to Shinji – the kitchen! It had to be four-star quality at least! Over hanging pot rack, broad six burner stove, large basin sink/island complete in bar style and stools. Brushed stainless steel making up the appliances fitting into the soft black marble counters and tile floor – and it was clean!

Getting over his 'excita-gasm' for the interior design, he looked back on how kind his dear guardian's offer of a home was…

"**GOD DAMN YOU MISATO!"**

Not understanding the boy's pain, the blue haired girl thought it best to leave him be for the moment and instead opted to try finding intel on the current situation threatening their safe access to the Geofront. Turning the television to the local news station took a few minutes in order to get re-familiarized with the controls, by which time Shinji scrapped himself back up off his knees and flopped onto the other side of the couch.

"…Finished…?" she asked.

"I'm good. I…think I got it all out…"

They turned back to the screen then as the hourly update broadcasted. Not seeing much value to them since the situation remained the same, Rei looked over at Shinji in what he thought was an odd gleam of mischief.

"Let's, do something else…"

0000000000

"So far the devastation has remained quiet for the last couple hours. Yet cleanup crews are unable to access the areas afflicted by today's events due to further reports of kidnapping of young males in the area. It is advised that all non-essential travel be postponed and residents remain indoors until later notice. I repeat – "

The bridge crew had been watching the same report, not yet knowing whether to react to this as an Angel threat or not. They had detected a moment of pattern blue, but not long enough to declare Angel status. Regardless, a rescue squad and some independent agents of Nerv were sent in to investigate and bring back the pilots thought to be still in the zone.

As the pilot's safety fell under the major's responsibilities, Misato was heading this mission. But with the phone lines down and cellular communications being blocked somehow, establishing contact between search parties could only be accomplished via radio and needed a central hub from which all the incoming reports could be sifted and acted on. Thus she was stuck here rather than in the field searching for her Shinji.

Luckily the one person she'd trust in finding and protecting him was also out there, even if that moron would have a favor over her – it would be worth it!

0000000000

Noted man meanwhile was strolling down the danger zone streets and alleyways. This might not seem the most effective search strategy to some, but Kaji wasn't a total idiot. He'd seen the commotions made over the Third Child lately and knew that if he found where considerable gaggle of girls making up the mobs were making a ruckus – it would lead to some rather good chances of finding Shinji as well.

So far he'd only come across a few places where low moans could be heard and at one cubby hole a pair of girls viciously making out. Though that was quite the show, Kaji for all his faults, was honest to God **not** a pedophile. Not that he couldn't imagine one being Misato for a moment and the other? Maya maybe - as her sexuality was questionable, but even she was too young for him to picture erotically. Then there was that whole tomboyish look she had that strangely fit her well…

WHOOSH. Not paying attention to his surroundings however had been a grave mistake as he would soon terribly learn, now joining the number of those men kidnapped.

0000000000

Back at Nerv, Gendo Ikari calmly sat over his minions, here only to affirm that indeed the 'product' was proving successful. He smirked unnoticed reflecting back on the agent's stunned expression when he denied wanting to know where the pilots were transported to, declaring that he wanted to be surprised later

"All is going according to the scenario."

Down below Ritsuko grew very worried when she slightly overheard the commander of all people, _giggling_ from the back. _'Damn it Fuyutsuki! You're supposed to make sure he takes his meds.'_

Thankfully everyone else's sanity was spared from hearing the demented chuckles as the comm. network was re-established. First up would be getting a hold of Asuka. Not because she was in the most danger or mature, it was the fact that she would argue and take the longest out of the three.

Opening the channel to her cell onto the main display, they received a rather care-free greeting.

"Aallo?"

"Asuka! Where are you and are the others there? If you can, try to get to the Geofront!

"Oh Misato, hi. Um…no I have no idea where those two are, but they ran off together. I'm with Hikari and Mana."

"…Mana? What the heck is she doing here?" The major looked around the bridge only to receive shrugs. "Anyway, get to Nerv and bring them along if you have to."

"Alright alright, we're about finished 'stocking' up here on somethi-"

"You're shopping aren't you! GET YOUR BUTT HERE ASAP!"

"Fiiiine then…" and just before the red head could hang up; what Misato suspected to be Hikari yelled out in the background "_Mana! For the last time, we agreed to NO whips!_"

To get over the sweat-drop moment, the crew immediately next called the First Child seeing as she was last known to be with Shinji and would know the best routes from wherever they were. When connected, the flat monotone of the girl lifted their hopes of good news.

"Yes…?"

"Rei! Get yourself and Shinji here to the command center – take any access point you think is safest, okay?"

"Understood, I shall come after my daily assignments are complete."

"What? This isn't a time to clean up! We need you here now."

"Yes sir…" And then hung up.

Misato could only blink. "Okay what the hell was that about _'yes sir'_?"

The commander however shot up out of his chair drawing all attention to him. He had heard those very same responses over many times, only now did he recognize something wrong when others attempted to discuss with the pilot over this line. "Call that number again now! Do not speak to her though!"

"Yes…?"

…

"Understood, I shall come after my daily assignments are complete."

…

"Yes sir…"

"Is that, supposed to be her voice messaging?" Maya asked.

Gendo stiffly sank back down into his observation chair clearly struck. His little Rei? Being that devious and crafty? All this time, she tricked him into putting off minor appointments and meetings with that same excuse of homework…with only a voice recording… _Damn_ he was proud of that girl! After all she could only have learned from the best - him of course!

After that, trying to reach the third pilot was moot as the phone immediately went dead after one ring. Things were not looking so good. To the again smirking commander, things couldn't get better.

0000000000

"That…was…amazing!" The two missing pilots gasped.

The boy could barely lift himself off the floor nor was he even able to turn his head to see the girl next to him carefully replaced his powered-down cell back into his bag. They both laid there for a few minutes to regain their breaths, sweat still beading on the skin and rolling off their soaked bodies.

Who could have known that the stick up the ass commander owned a duo DDR system in which the two pilots had just shattered all of his records! Why he had the system complete with a disco ball was another intriguing thing as they both looked up at the ceiling. Shinji could have fallen asleep there what with all of today's events and surprises taking their toll on him. However that shag rug on his sweaty back was starting to get rather itchy, so he sat up thinking that the bathroom might be worth exploring next.

"I suppose we should get cleaned up."

"Agreed." Rei nodded before taking his offered hand to get up.

In the pretense of Rei guiding and him being exhausted, Shinji did not take notice that their hands were still clasped as she lead him to the washroom. It wasn't until he recognized the girl's state of undress was familiar to him like that one time did he realize that they both were about to take a bath together. Wow take a look at his lack of foresight in planning when he offered that they get cleaned up – or had he subconsciously done so on purpose? He smacked his forehead _'The hormones betrayed my unsupervised trust again.'_

Turning around to explain and excuse himself from Rei's private hygiene practices, he found that she was now only clad in pan-…those were his weren't they…

"Aaaaaaahhhhhh Rei?" he gazed pointedly to what was currently around her hips completely not seeing his opportunity for it to wander her full exposed chest.

She tilted her head and then looked down. A small blush faded on to her pale cheeks. "I, I almost forgot. It is quite comfortable…" she admitted while thumbing the waist band.

Shinji could only look at her; this had to be the most bizarre thing that at the same time was slightly erotic. _'At least she isn't one to make fun of the fact I where 'whitey-tighties.''_

In the end, Rei was able to convince him to stay by utilizing the knowledge that he would leave if he became too uncomfortable. So she made the effort not to torment his hormones by covering herself with a towel while removing the last article and by not watching him undress…or to the point that he'd catch her anyway. Shinji was about to turn on the shower when Rei stopped him and let the water run free for a bath instead.

"I find baths are much more pleasant." She explained and being a gentleman he let her have her way. Though when Rei added bubble bath mixture he wasn't so sure he did the right thing – then again it would help hide the embarrassing views, much to his hormone's discontent.

Of course with a bath, one had to scrub themselves down prior. With the towel draped across the chest and down to her waist giving Shinji access to wash her back, Rei gained another first time experience. Her first massage. All bets were almost called off on her trying not to further come onto him in order to keep him calm, thus able to enjoy this moment longer. Shinji on the other hand was quite intrigued with all the responses she produced from his rubbing, at times he swore that was purring he heard. But he knew to stop when an audible moan came out and a certain member stood at attention to the call like a good little soldier. He was hesitant to have the favor returned at first, and ticklish, when it came to be his turn. Rei found his nervous responses to be sweet as she would once every now and then randomly poke him on the side or lower back. He was starting to really enjoy this playful side of the usually stoic girl, until her hands became a little too curious stroking his abdomen and suggested they get to the tub before it overflowed.

The tub was huge, whirlpool in design, and even wide enough for the two to sit side by side without bumping hips. This time the décor was in dark shades more with romance in mind. Medium tone green marble tile with white veins, white sink and tub, and honeyed wood trims – compared to Nerv, it was possible that half the initial budget went into this condo.

Glancing back at Rei, he found her with half-lidded eyes and the most content expression he'd ever seen on her face. And damn did she look so kissable like that with the candle light glowing on her face – candles that he was sure weren't there a second ago and the scent the bubbles were giving off, he couldn't name it but it reminded him of his mother. With a light headedness, he gently leaned toward her and encircled an arm around her towel clad waist. She in turn brought their temples to lean on each other and sighed in joy feeling him give a shy kiss. Though she wanted more than a chaste one, this was sign that Shinji had accepted her, those feelings accepted and returned, love. Their minds one with how they felt about the other; their bodies could do the same at a later time.

Looking at the single queen-size bed and then at the girl already there looking at him expectantly, Shinji nervously scratched the back of his head. It wasn't that he thought they might do IT, but more along the lines of questioning his girlfriend's recent sleeping habits he discovered earlier that day.

"I promise not to steal your undergarment." Rei guessed correctly _'this time…'_

He nodded in relief and got in. The girl immediately contoured to his side, but he steeled himself that it was fine and that he should enjoy it – heck he could even feel a bit of her bre-

"Good night, my Shi-kun" the girl broke his thought as she pecked his cheek.

Astonished that she gave him a pet name of sorts already, he realized that he would have to find a good one for her later as all he could come up with now was a bit lacking.

"Sweet dreams…Rei-chan."

* * *

**A/N: **Wow. That one turned out a bit longer than the last one, probably due to the bath scene I guess. A few different directions, with the usual humor – better or worse? Might make more sense anyway and a little easier to write. Humor isn't any strong forte of mine, but many of you seem to actually enjoy reading this fic so I'll keep to it!

Omakes below as usual and this last reminder.

I'll start writing soon after Thanksgiving and will hopefully have it done in time to present near Christmas. (no Christmas theme though, unless that is a request)

* * *

OMAKE 12

Skyscrapers fell repeatedly from GeoFront. Sirens filled the night from rescue crews. Fuyutsuki stole his one and only escape pod. The JSDF were telling them to get off their asses and help out. But there was nothing Nerv could do in this situation – it wasn't an Angel related case(though indirectly it is).

It was all that damn sex going on upstairs, thumping and grinding away the very foundations of the city. As its budget was tied and only applied to approved operations, thus its hands tied with red tape – Nerv was pretty much literally fucked while bounded.

Things were not looking so good. To the again smirking commander, things couldn't get better. 1. With all that racket, someone was having fun. 2. His son was likely somewhere in that mix. Number 3, unknown to even the Angel in consequence of its actions, was getting closer to the target of Adam.

It was a win for everyone. All that was left to do was go join the party.

OMAKE 13

"…So – um…where are we A-Ayana-"

"-Rei, I wish for you to scream my first name bitch."

"…er…so where are we, Rei?"

"I believe I've made my intentions clear Shinji, I have claimed you as my mate."

"N-No – I-I mean where…physically." The boy tried again.

"…haven't we already done the victory lap around the bases?"

"…mmmmmm…yeah that was great…" his eyes became glazed.

…

"But no, I meant_ WHERE _are we in Tokyo, Japan; streets, provinces, address, etc."

"The commander's crib."

"…Wait…Rei, are you thinking what I'm thinking!" Both of their eyes went wide.

"PARTY!/Leave a mess in his bed so bad he'll wish he never gave me a key!" They loudly professed at the same time, however since the boy's idea only took two syllables to pronounce - he still obviously got the jist. The quiet, calm, blue-haired enigma was TOTALLY thinking along the lines of something else…

…and he liked what she was thinking.

(As the two suddenly started scrambling to get inside, the author of this fic/omake is quite dumbfounded at this. This isn't how it was supposed to go! The bath omake was one thing, but this, this was unprecedented. How dare the characters go against his wishes and develop the plot on their own! Armed with only a notebook and pencil he charges in to incorporate his own ideas into the mix before allowing plot to run further unguided)

OMAKE 14 – or 13 continued if you like…

Looking at the single queen-size bed and then at the girl already there looking at him expectantly, Shinji nervously scratched the back of his head considering 'pulling a Kaji' - trying to come up with a perfectly good explanation to escape.

On all other three sides of him also stood Asuka, Mana, and Hikari. They held whips. Handcuffs were at the ready. And were wearing dominatrix getup.

Rei had really wanted to try this dominating position thing proper since chapter 4's flashback. Shinji was in for a lot of pain, pleasure, and embarrassment. But mostly pain just cause he's the universes bitch.

(The author was too late to save the boy and had to endure his mixed screams as a certain red head taught him how to plead in German…and sunk down tearing up in the hallway, great big tears, of uncontrollable laughter)

Remember to review and leave some ideas for next chapter!


	10. You be the Judge

**A/N:** So? Did anyone miss me? Four months later than I wanted to be so I suppose there isn't a welcoming committee, or at least not one without clubs. heh-heh. What I won't say however is use that age old excuse that my computer crashed, really it's as common as the dog eating your homework gig.

Aug 2010 edit** Now regretably some of you have probably noticed that I haven't even touched this for a full two years. Think that offically qualifies this as placed on hold. There is more material and underplot that was planned to follow this, but I just haven't been motivated to write for it at all and instead have been working on several larger, actual stories that take up my ponderings. One person did challenge me semi-seriously to look into this again recently though I am more concerned to finally wrap up Resolutions which unlike this, does have a more clear end. So instead for time being I went through to update spacing formats and fix the page breaks that ffnet messed up, some of it was pretty crappy and rendered parts rather hard to read. But I shall revisit one day when in a cracktastic mood.

Other than that, thank you all for those who sent in some ideas and especially the quirky/odd ones, they provided me with many a chuckle combining them and I hope they do the same for you. Enjoy! - Credits are at the bottom!

**M** – explicit scenes and many a sexual implication.

**Disclaimer** - the credits are at the bottom that don't relate to Evangelion, otherwise yeah Anno I guess owns the rights of this.

**_Warning:_** _LCL is the best you'll get_

* * *

**CHAPTER 10 You be the Judge - it's your own stuff after all**

"So let me get this strait…you made clones of me _why?_" Agent Kaji addressed NERV's king and queen of deceit, turning from the LCL tanks.

"We wish for you to test our next version of…an old experiment of ours." The blonde explained. "You'll be revived into a new body if you should happen to somehow die, complete with memories and your entire self being."

"Does it have the same conditions as they had in the '6th-day'?" He asked warily.

Gendo looked clueless to this reference – sure they had laws against cloning but he never heard of such articles… "The movie" the Dr. pointed out for him.

"Ah…never saw it." He deadpanned.

"But no, it's still _your_ soul passing into the next body with your DNA calling to it." Akagi reaffirmed.

"What are you planning to use it for though? Build up an army or something?" He speculated. "

-Ouh!" Gendo sounded suddenly inspired and took out a note pad, but the Dr. cut in whispering _"We already **do** that – Evas remember?"_

Gendo paused, frowned and then nodded. "Shinji has become an influential figure – we cannot lose him" he let on. _'Besides he can only please so many, but with his copies we will easily sway the entire population of women – that's my boy!' H_e was cheering inside though. Truly amazing how stoic he could remain on outside appearances isn't it?

"So that's it? How am I supposed to test this actually, and what's my incentive?" The spy probed to get the gritty details.

"For one. You will keep your silence about this as agreed when we rescued you from that…shaven fate." Kaji nodded gravely and trembled at the pain and humiliation he was spared from a bikini wax. The blonde continued "As for incentive, you can mess with Misato without fear of death-"

"-SOLD! Ooohh Misato-darling!" The agent started calling as he jogged out of the chamber.

Gendo simply slipped his glasses back up, pleased with how easy it was to get the spy to slip into his plans. "This shall provide some entertainment."

"We're not actually going to go through with this are we?" Akagi started to worry.

"-Fuuuck No! Unplug the system immediately and setup a clone army program; after all 'waste not'. We'll be rid of agent Kaji soon enough."

The two left now also, not taking any notice of the watching pair of eyes belonging to a sister clone of Ayanami. It wasn't the Kaji clones, nor the events that had just transpired that she was looking at though, but the other addition to the room. A young teen boy identical to the pilot of Evangelion unit 01 floating in its tank only a few meters away, naked. The clone smiled in appreciation and shared with her older sister.

0000000000

He didn't know what brought this on, where it came from, or what to do about it. But he did know that if he moved, he would be screwed – not that he wasn't being screwed at the moment in a sense…

Here laid Shinji Ikari in a very familiar situation as with during the Eva free-for-all simulation. Only this time no Eva, simulated or otherwise was involved. That was an actual pair of hips sliding around on his thigh courtesy to his girlfriend Rei.

"…so big…" she mumbled. Yeah it was getting there alright…any more and it would allow that warm body to stroke it as she continued those dream induced movements. He prayed she really was asleep. Because anything else would be just too weird, and hot.

Then she began panting on his neck and her blouse started to ride up, letting him catch a feel of panties on his thigh as his shorts had ridden up also. He seriously thought a heart attack was very possible now despite his young age. In a desperate move to prevent the other goodies from bursting out onto his bare chest, Shinji reached around carefully and tugged the shirt edges back down over her hip. In the process though he tugged a tad too much making the first button to come undone and freed one of her shoulders. His hands also just happened to brush the end of her bottom at a very crucial time-

Unfortunately Shinji had been in too much shock at what he had done, that he missed being witness to the beautiful reactions flowing through the girl. Glossed ruby eyes slid lazily open a few seconds after it was over, along with a very content smile - though she wasn't exactly sure why she felt so.

"G-Good morning Rei-cchan…um, are you feeling alright?"

"I feel, wonderful." She sighed, then tilted her head in that cute way "…and sticky… Shinji, you are bleeding from the nostrils."

"I know Rei, I know."

0000000000

"AARRRGGG MISATO! I AM NOT HIS BABYSITTER – YOU'RE THE GUARDIAN HERE, SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE THAT BAKA IS!"

Asuka's morning yells were as bad as ever, especially when the two were only in the confines of an elevator. True this punishment was somewhat deserved as Misato was supposed to be their guardian and berating the red head for not watching him wasn't the way to shift blame. No, the blame lay with Rei as to her namesake ghost, she had indeed made Shinji disappear, safe no doubt but there went her meal ticket.

Misato tried to calm her nerves "Really I shouldn't worry though, how much trouble could those two get into?"

"Probably making freaky clone babies" Joined a new voice.

The two jumped and whirled around to face the back of the elevator. There stood the Commander in all his dark glory staring back at them. "Yes?"

"Where, when, d-did…?" Misato sputtered.

"Why?" Gendo tried to join in. "This is my route to the bridge – and I was not aware that females in my son's presence reverted to his poor mannerisms as well."

"HOW the hell did you get in here!" Asuka clarified matters. "You weren't there a minute ago – and we're in front of the doors!"

The man only started humming 'Olde to Joy' to himself, but Misato noticed a loose ceiling tile in the corner.

_'Geez I know he's paranoid, but honestly…And clone babies? – I didn't know the commander had any sense of humor…oh god he couldn't be serious – could he? Ok this is going to be a headache down the road. Yep I can feel it starting now –' _

"Another thing Katsuragi" the commander addressed to her. "Let us meet tonight, bring the bunny costume."

He confidently strolled out onto the bridge as she could only stare astounded that he would mention her additional part-time job in front of Asuka. Trembling slightly to face a horrified teen from her revealed disgrace, she was relieved that it seemed the girl had been muttering in her own world the whole time. So she put on her 'Major Katsuragi just got up' face and walked stiffly into the command center.

A few seconds later the girl left behind nodded to herself. "Ok that's not too surprising" and then stepped out as well.

And not a moment too soon either. Suddenly there were whirring, screeches, then a large bang as another elevator car smashed up from beneath the other. The old style iron gates clanked open and out tumbled Shinji – shaken, not stirred – followed by a windswept, but otherwise stoic Rei Ayanami.

"Oh merciful stable floor – I swear if that thing fell again, we were going to die…"

"There you are baka! What the hell, you just about killed me!" Asuka graced him with a greeting. "And isn't there only supposed to be one per shaft."

"Indeed pilot Sohryu." Rei pointedly glared at her and then greenly to the floor which the boy was now whispering his affections to.

"Ouuu burn'd!" chided Maya from her console at which Ritsuko eyed her tech. closely and sighed. "Your intoxicated again aren't you…detox, now." pointing the way like a master commanding its bitch back to the rug by the door. The dismissed tech. pouted, but headed toward the medical wing via elevator. Before the iron rails closed she called out though "You'll come by and cuddle wit-" but there was a clang and woosh as it went.

"…It fell again…" Rei stated.

0000000000

"I am Armisel. Armisel are we. I hold your population hostage. Send the Chosen One to us or we shall destroy the pitiful lair you all squirm in like the rodents that you are. No threats or many males will become unics. You have one hour. Also, if by chance a newly shaven man hides among you, send him as well – one place remains yet to be shaven…to complete the visage of that pitiful being's size." Armisel ended the message with a casual raise of an old fashioned razor.

Kaji tried to pass off any reactions of nervousness and cupped his bare chin as everyone started scrambling from the message. Apparently the enemy still had control of the surface and had yet to end the pursuit of Shinji.

"…Newly shaven man…what the heck is that about?" Misato pondered not noticing the slight cough coming from the corner. "Well they said 'if', so we shouldn't have to worry about complying with that order. Are we sure this is an angel?"

"Blue pattern positive!" Called Aoba.

"Most of the civilians up there are being controlled by it, but hides among them also – Options?"

"I say NUKE the Fucking Fuckers." Chimed in Gendo.

"S-Sir?" Gaped Shigeru. "I don't think the UN is going to go with that plan…".

"A hunt and destroy fire team?" Sub-commander Kouzou suggested.

"-90 pecent of them have been captured though sir." Another tech. noted.

"Shit that doesn't leave us many options…" Misato started stomping circles "But on the other hand, it hasn't even mentioned Adam or anything about harming… Shinji!"

"Um, y-yes Misato?

"I'm sorry but we have no choice-"

"-No. NO! You can't!"

"I concur with the Major." Gendo jumped at the chance to send his boy to 'where no man has boldly gone before.' It would be the perfect testing of the boy's influence. "Akagi, prepare the drug." At which the doctor went to an emergency panel on the wall and took from it a very familiar black can. Shinji started relapsing from the memory of running from school the other day, but it was Rei who held him from running off like a gazelle – no he would be forced to meet the lionesses this time round.

Oddly it was Asuka who came to his rescue. "HOLD ON for just one second! That would give the pervert exactly what he wants!" …in her usual way…

"I recognize that bitch on the video. She jumps any guy's bone just to piss off any other girl that has a crush. And if you're saying she's the Angel, I'll gladly go stomp her with my Eva – I don't care if some idiots loose their balls."

The screen behind her flickered back to life bringing another broadcast from Armisel Live "We have just found the identity of our shaven man. You may send up one Kaji Ryoji. Comparing his small size to the Chosen One's will amuse me."

"Fuck the Eva – I'll tear her apart myself right NOW!"

0000000000

"Asuka, are you sure about this?" Misato tried one last time to talk the girl out of the hell bent crusade of rage. This was only the second time she tried though; honestly many of those in NERV wouldn't really miss her if just something were to happen to her. But this was a most curious chance for something to 'happen'. She only gained a glare in return.

"Okay, power up the Magnetic Acceleration Lift. Launch in 5."

The red-haired girl merely grabbed a central railing on the lift pad. Granted it was set at half power, but to ride this thing without the assistance of any equipment – mainly an LCL dampening cockpit, Dr. Akagi had to admit would be an interesting way to go.

"Launch!"

And the elevator was sent screaming up to the surface, but never did the knees even buckle was how steel-willed this individual was at the moment. Those left below at first heard nothing but silence as she confronted an awaiting Armisel and traded a verbal spat. Then sure enough came the quakes and brimstone. Each intense minute felt like an hour and one second. A final 'thump' sounded through the earth and armored plates over the Geofront.

"Blue pattern has been erased!"

The lift slowly came back to rest, only this time accompanied with a gracious smear of blood across its top, and no Asuka. It had just clicked back into place when a faint flapping noise seemed to be coming down the shaft until it revealed someone dropping like a stone. The pad had no chance and gave way bending under the impact as her feet met for a perfect landing. The figure raised her head in triumph.

"And THAT! Is why they call me ASUKA THE MAGNIFICENT!"

…

"Holy crap we can use this! Shinji – you, are, a, GENIUS!"

"Wha…?" The girl could only blink as they ignored her and were crediting Shinji with HER kill?

"Oh, you're still alive, you did well also Asuka" Misato chided from her position of ruffling the Third Child's hair.

"Clearly size does matter!" Another tech grinned.

"Damnit – Shinji is NOT bigger than Kaji! No one could ever be! He's the greatest and as manly as they come!" The commander chuckled to himself reflecting back on how the spy looked like such a pansy with pleading eyes for mercy as Gendo himself rescued the pitiful fool. That's right; Mr. high and mighty had indeed joined the party, for completely different reasons of course, but it had been so worth seeing the lesser man unable to fend off the hot wax-wielding teenage girls.

"Sorry to burst your bubble," Misato let on "but Kaji ain't all that big – sure for a first timer, but after…" Seeing that her charge wasn't likely to be convinced anytime soon thought of another idea.

"Fine, we'll settle this – winner gets to personally confirm Shinji's size!" The purple haired guardian declared. Asuka however wasn't going to step down from her standing. "Fine! I'll play along just to prove you wrong!"

Seeing an unwanted situation cropping up, the enigmic girl on the side closed her eyes in order to concentrate on forming a plan of escape, making contact with one of her others. She would need a diversion.

0000000000

Elsewhere, another pair of red irises opened taking in the information for her premature awakening. Soon enough her nude form made way to the top of the LCL chamber and over to another. Waking the other didn't take long (besides her appreciative gazing) and she gestured the male figure to the prepared clothes to get dressed. "We have work to do."

The boy shyly nodded trying not to peek at the mysterious beautiful girl too much. Suddenly he stopped halfway through pulling the pants on backwards when he turned to her with a clear questioning frown. "Um…who am I?"

0000000000

"I've always wanted a chance to test this thing out…" The blond doctor commented almost happily as she keyed in some commands. One of the larger panel doorways of the center's walls clanked apart to allow an arena like construction to slide into place.

Game of the day decided by Commander Ikari: Mud Wrestling

Only that instead of mud, out of hoses flowed the all too familiar orange goo associated with the Evas. "However LCL is the best we've got on hand for such short notice, plus it's more sanitary."

"Okay so who's the first match?" Misato was getting giddy with the idea of corrupting the deserving pilot. A dark little snicker was her only warning as she was suddenly tackled down into the glop. Shinji didn't understand why everyone suddenly went silent as his guardian lifted her head and looked on at Kaji with the most bewildered look ever to grace her sober face.

"K-Kaji? I…I had no idea. I thought you'd be last to swing that way. Y-you do realize that we're fighting over Shinji's meat right? Please tell me the truth! - we, I can help you Kaji, I can beat it out of you!" Hope and misery tumbled from the worried major as she started whacking the man over the head.

"Looks like I better referee…" sighed the doctor and removed the lab coat to strip down to the wet suit. Once she dropped down into the mix however the undercover and cowardly spy hid behind her. "…Wow Rits, you sure kept that ass in shape."

A fist from each woman landed with a meaty thunk upon each cheek and he was thrown back against the wall. Which was enough to get the spaced out red head back into defending her man "KAJI!" and jumped down into the mix. Per usual it didn't take long for it to be clear that anyone, whether it was Shinji or Kaji, were in a bad situation when Asuka Sohryu forces them to be her tag-team partner. Then again for all its faults and pain induced upon her living shield, it did prove effective against her enemies. Sure the two women got in some spectacular hits, but that meant nothing really if it was all wasted on only one of them while the girl skillfully evaded by swinging around her shield to block and then strike out again.

"Misato," the faux blond panted to her partner "we need to split them up. Blitz tactic #4 – hutt!" On the command the major full-out bodily tackled the pair. From there the doctor went after the pilot who had ducked out at the last moment and evaded being buried into the LCL, leaving Misato to continue her…treatment to fix the confused man. Kaji took the flailing about in stride by letting his 'out of control' hands fall on places without notice.

"Three thousand yen on Akagi!" One of the techs called out and began a frenzy of wagering. The sub-commander glanced over to his superior, Gendo glanced back to Kozo. "I'll wager something interesting will happen before the fight is concluded."

Ritsuko could dance in joy if not for the moment. It was her goal to get this delinquent child strapped down to a table and completely under her torture, but this would do. Finally she would get the chance to have a valid reason to beat the girl senseless. Knowledge of the pressure points – of pleasure and pain, especially the ones of pain, were going to get a workout at last! For all the energy that the german girl had in her S2 organ of rage, it was almost immediate when the doctor started of all things, poking her – her right arm wasn't moving and hurt like hell trying to flex it back into a useful position. Next went her other arm from the wrist down, her neck and then one of her legs. Now the doctor had a painful clamp holding the webbing between neck and shoulder, her only functional leg forced to keep her weight up into the hold or allow the flesh to tear.

Unable to even roll her neck, Asuka took note of that it did go with the gravity and movement of her body. Taking advantage of this fact she let one side of her body tilt down, her head following. And teeth clamped down hard on the hand holding her. She was dragged off her foot as the doctor pulled away, but she wasn't letting go and the feeling was starting to come back in her other arm, using it to bat at her opponent.

Knowing the effects weren't long lasting, Ritsuko felt she could go a few more rounds to dish it out on the girl, but to get her off the wrist was going to need one point that was rather ultimate and would prematurely end the torture. That was acceptable though, why let the pilot believe she had a chance of coming out on top when she could crush and show she was still just a child. A simple squeeze using the thumb and middle digit on both sides of the spine at the base of the skull was enough to comically drop the girls mouth like a puppet's for a vantrilloquist, before toppling her over face first into the area's goo.

There was a sadistic chime behind them as the evil-incarnate of all elevators made its reappearance. A wide eye and sickly Maya twitched her legs to move from the iron cage, gazing at nothing in particular she rather calmly announced "You…have no…idea…where that thing goes…" before immediately heading towards Gendo.

He was about to call her off, until she started feeling him up. No man would dare waste such a chance for a cute lesbian to do such a thing to them, or woman in some cases. But the dirty fantasy ended abruptly as the tech found what she was looking for – she was his supplier after all, she knew he had it. And proceeded to drain the commander's whisky flask, who was rather impressed.

The unnoticed newcomer who had joined Maya in the middle of the 'Elevator of Terror' ride calmly joined the staff gathering and decided to introduce himself. "Yo. I'm the Fifth Child, Kowaru Nagisa; also known as Tabris, the 17th Angel. Nice to meat you! If you're lonely at night, gender doesn't matter just give me a call – in fact right now lets have an orgy!" He then took in a good view of his new home operation center – things here sure were more interesting than back at Seele already!

A battered Kaji was thrown at his feet in response "Can you fix him?"

"I'm sorry ladies, but this man has an unhealthy case of homo-phobia."

"You mean he isn't broken?"

"Sadly so."

Maya gave herself a shake from her wild trip that had indeed served as its own detox remedy. Under the affect of new alcohol in her system she then spotted her sempai attempting to climb out of the slippery pit in nothing but a wet suit. Something had gone down in there and she didn't like it.

"Un sempai, whath's go'in on ere? Ya cheati'n me! I'll, I mite haff to mak ouu rememfer how I gat yo into bed in tha firsh plash!" All the while the lieutenant had been stripping down to her bra and panties before letting out a warcry "Yuu'll be screamin my name latar!" and threw them both back into the arena.

"Now this is most marvelous! I must know, what is this all for? …And secondly, what do they put in the water here?" Kowaru questioned in earnest glee. Asuka happened to be the closest to him at the moment still trying to recover the feeling back in her limbs. Feeling spiteful, she wondered if she could make an ally in the new boy forgetting that he declared himself an Angel, and get him to resent all the attention everyone was sprinkling down on the pitiful Third.

"They're trying to find out how small the 'invincible' Shinji's prick is. The pervert is clearly tryi-"

"The Third's you say…this is good." Before he too stripped down and entered the arena, in the nude.

Asuka could only blink _'…What DO they put in the water here?...nice ass…'_

Either way, she figured she had enough fun for the day – it was time to get cleaned up now that she could move, before the thickened LCL dried and glued her to the floor. Entering a side passage to head to the showers she suddenly spied Shinji just aimlessly standing there in the hallway. '_I was beginning to wonder where he ran to jack off from the show_.'

A sudden brain wave stopped her. Besides the two of them the passage was deserted, he hadn't noticed her yet and…well it was starting to piss her off but she needed to know – after all she still had to prove them all wrong now didn't she?

"Hey Shinji!"

The boy looked up to her. "Oh, hello. I'm a bit lost I think, could you perhaps-"

"Yeah yeah, it figures. You and Misato are hopeless when it comes to navigating this place. Come on."

0000000000

Around the corner a pair of red eyes watched in amusement. So far the Second could not tell the difference, not that she would really pay any attention to Shinji anyway. The diversion had not been really required after all, slipping away from the chaos at the bridge had been easy once Sohryu unexpectedly joined in the competition and Shinji didn't really care to watch his guardian make a further fool of herself; especially on for his behalf. Rei herself had no need to compete, she had his attentions…as well as a second hand account of his size. But the clone would serve another useful purpose – perhaps they wouldn't even have to return tomorrow and remain uninterrupted. Her younger sister was still out and about also, she could cover for her. Asuka no doubt would tote ShinII about, but it was questionable how long he would last. One day should be enough to cover for them, right?

Shinji was around the next door down the hall, calling up an elevator to get them to the surface. "Hey Rei, you ready then? Think we could go eat at tha-"

CLANG/SCREECH

His head turned slowly to face his new found enemy, the same 'Helevator' from this morning, iron bars parting in ominous beckoning. Rei watched as he gulped before dragging him in. "Shi-kun, you are being difficult." The car gave a grime 'ding' before once again free-falling into the depths of the earth.

Across the hall, another pair of red irises watched in pained silence. The younger sister would wait her time, but it was rather unfair as she was the first to gaze at him fully. She pouted, then steeled herself to see what else there was to entertain her until her turn came.

0000000000

"I've got to say…you ladies sure…put up a fight!" The grey haired teen/Angel panted.

By the end of it – Maya had Ritsuko blushing, he had Maya blushing, and Misato had him blushing. However seeing as his blush wasn't nearly as bashful as the others, it was more a tie between him and the Major, who suddenly gave a disarming smile herself.

"Well, as his guardian and admittingly his mother figure, it would be rather wrong for me to claim him for myself now wouldn't it?"

"And you are comfortable leaving this task to me, another boy correct?"

"Yep!" The woman gave him a good natured thumbs up.

"…yaoi…" The bridge bunny girls practically squealed with noses dripping of blood, before fainting away.

* * *

**_CREDITS_**

Kaji Clones - dogbertcarroll

Wakeup Grind - shinjithegoodsharer

"Freaky Clone Babies" – shinjithegoodsharer

Asuka-Bomb – shinjithegoodsharer

Asuka the 'Magnificent' – Futurama

Mud Wrestling – shinjithegoodsharer

"You'll be screaming my name later!" – NefCanuck

Shinji Clone Diversion – dogbertcarroll

Asuka Gets Some 'Shinji' - NefCanuk

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**A/N: **Yes I feel very wrong and self violated by putting in the yaoi context in. But for the sake of humor I put it in and it has stuck, I'm almost afraid where it goes later though I think a solution for then has been found.

Aug 2010 edit** Well as of now on hold, I hope you all at least got several laughs out of this like some big continuous crack omake parody. So a big Thank You to all those out there still enjoying this fic...somehow. I mean really, the only way this could be dug up from so deep in the updated Eva fics list is from other's favorites list, there are better Eva humor fics out there - much better! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Seriously, go check out 'Everyday' or even 'Shinji Justs Snaps and Totally Wails on Everything!' That's pure well-written crack gold.

Aside from that – (last?)Omake time!

* * *

OMAKE 15

Asuka: "Look, if you tell me where you two disappeared to, I'll trade ya a secret."

Shinji: "What, that Misato's a whore? You didn't know – the way she acts and stuff, I thought you'd figure it out on your own…"

Rei: "It is clear that Major Katsuragi is a walking disease infested pleasure flesh bag of-" Shinji decided the best place for his hand at the moment was over her none to subtle mouth.

Shigeru: "What are her rates?

Gendo: "She's already taken for tonight."

Misato: Gapping like a fish mortified. Everyone found out and were discussing so openly about it. She really was a failure wasn't she?

.

OMAKE 16

"I hate you – I HATE YOU! Stop laughing what is wrong with you? AAAHH"

Kaji awoke in cold sweat, gasping. Trying to return his breathing and heartbeat to normal after the horrible memory/nightmare. He knew he shouldn't have watched that '40 Year Virgin' scene before going to bed after all he had just gone through. Suddenly there was a shuffle at the side of his bed, and then the other. As his vision adjusted to the dark, they immediately went back to their wide terrified look.

He had escaped the nightmare yes. Only to wake up and find women still wanted to grace him with such torment. Bikini wax style.

.

OMAKE 17

"Please let go of me! No - stop please!" A frightened boy's voice sounded through the locker room, the girls looker room.

"Oh hold still now, what's wrong with you! Why the heck are you so bashful huh? Is it because...it's small perhaps?" The other, a red head girl meanwhile was trying to confirm her suspicions and that everyone had been making a big deal out of nothing. Well it was time to expose the fraud!

But, but the way the pitiful Third pilot was acting was doing something to her. It was so...kawaii! So bashful and he really was trying hard to avoid looking at her bra and panty covered bits! Oh and he had that smell too - like, like, she didn't know what it was but it was good. Why she just wanted to snuggle him up all of a sudden and and...

!POP!

She was oddly covered in the orange tell-tale signs of LCL...and no Shinji.

"My, my Asuka-san - you've got quite the grip!" There on a bench down from her sat the new pilot Nagisa. He was frowning disapprovingly as he stroked his own Shinji clone. "You've got to be gentler and make him last."

.

OMAKE 18

The girl gazed upon the teenage boy. Touji glared back at the girl.

"You are unsatisfactory." He hung his head and tried not to cry out in anguish.

"Come oooonnn! And just how is my bud in there gettin so much attention?

"Aida-sama is a master and we much appreciate his skill. You may leave once you have recovered your stamina, good night."

It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair! He had experienced paradise for a scant twelve minutes before he was shoved out the door and into the building's hallway system. How was he so 'unsatisfactory' while Kensuke had even tried to claw his way to freedom! Both had been 'captured' (standing in the 'zone' very well trying to be caught), been led to the room, teased, played with. And then all of a sudden they had found something in Kensuke's bag and all but gone wild and kicked him out. What the Hell!

* * *

Makes you wonder don't it? Plus I was sure some of you were wondering what happened to the other stooges – ooh that just might get me writing for this again...


End file.
